Rough Start But Settles Down

So I got myself some breakfast at Starbucks this morning, a breakfast sandwich and an Earl Grey hot tea and THEN headed over to Lisa's around 9 AM. I still had my hot tea in my hand as I walked through the door. That's what we talked about last night when I left. For me to come at 9 AM. My understanding was that they would have been done with breakfast already by then. The second I walked through the door I thought we were still ok since Johnnie's hair was wet, which meant he had taken a shower probably just minutes ago. And then I heard Lisa and that's when I knew. I knew that she was not in a good state. I knew that I would have to do what I could yet again to avoid a fight. This morning, however I had done some very nice meditation and I was actually quite calm and centered. And more importantly, prepared to deal with whatever storm came from Lisa's presence.  True enough I was sitting there on the couch just waiting out Lisa to let Johnnie and I go but of course who knows what it is she wanted to do. She used to do this ALL THE TIME and goad us into fights. My agenda: get out of there with Johnnie so we can have breakfast. Lisa's agenda: for someone to feel sorry for her and validate her. First question she asked was if I brought her a latte? Answer: No Last night you said you guys would already be done with breakfast by the time I got there. Johnnie asked her if we could go, only to be met with a rant that I was being an asshole. Yeah sure. She's the one ranting and raving walking down the stairs and I'm the asshole? LOL. Fortunately I was in a calm state and I simply asked her if that was necessary... the asshole part. And why she would choose to do that now? She went on about why I wasn't able to be self-aware (huh?) enough to read what she wants and provide it. Newsflash Lisa: No one can read your mind #1. But to be blunt... No one cares #2. Certainly I didn't and if that makes me an asshole then so be it. She went on about making breakfast for Johnnie because I know it's her "I don't want to be a bad mommy thing". I could sense Johnnie too wanted to get out of there. And even when she had calmed down and we were simply talking on the couch, even Johnnie said can you guys stop arguing please? Great. Now he thinks all our interactions area arguments. It would seem that Lisa is dealing with more than just usual office shit. Apparently she and Courtney are in the middle of a fight too. Shocking. Courtney has a lot of opinions, but are generally harmless. I guess Lisa had had enough of listening to them. I waited Lisa out until 9:45 knowing she had a Pilates class to go to. She never did make Johnnie breakfast but that was ok. It would be the first thing we would get to do and as it was we went immediately to McDonald's the second it was ok to leave. That was really the key: you just have to do stuff on Lisa's terms and Lisa's timetable. You just have to let her be in control and be ok with that momentarily... knowing you aren't sticking around. 

And so Johnnie did get a good breakfast in and then off we went to Target on Sepulveda. And made a pit stop at Carter's. I ended up getting clothes for Johnnie. He sure it outgrowing all the stuff I bought 6 months ago. They were big then. Not anymore. The flip flops for the summer? Already needing to be replaced. That's ok, they aren't that expensive... not if you know where to buy. And then we picked up Panda Express at Pavilions. And THEN we went home and Johnnie got to watch his Wild Kratts. I almost hated handing him back at 1:30. Who knows what mood Lisa is in. I'm sorry Johnnie. But it's mommy's turn no matter what state of mind she is in, I have to let her watch you for the rest of the weekend.  As it was I promised to help her change the water of the turtle tank, because it was murky and disgusting. And so that's what I did. Again on Lisa's terms because that's now the number one rule when we are at her house. Everything has to be on her terms and that's that. I'm looking at it like it's my good deed for the day and leave it at that. Besides, it helped me pad my steps stats. It was nearly 2:30 when we got done. Turtle tank all clean AND I got an extra hour hanging out with Johnnie. They had Nikki's baby shower to go to later.  Bye dad... I'll see you Monday Johnnie said. I went on home and got me a fish sandwich from Burger King. And chilled the rest of the afternoon away. The rest of the day really. That's what happens when you're dealing with Lisa in a bad state. You've got to do what you can to release the stench and negative energy. Get yourself back to center and remind yourself of the basics. Everything is you pushed out. You control outcomes.  You control your state.  I did that by doing laundry. And watching college football. It's all good. Everything is ok. I turned what could have been a negative Saturday into a pretty good one actually. And Johnnie and I at least had more bonding time together. 

Lisa Goes Completely Agro

It had been a while since Lisa had blown a gasket and gone nuclear. I mean she has had her moments being irritable and unpleasant but I think it was 4th of July last year when she and I actually had a blow-up over the phone. Which is why I keep telling people she and i are actually better friends now. I actually looked back at past journal entries and in December 2017, she really blew up... and then went on with her day with Feifei and Johnnie's brothers. Why was I looking back at all? Because today her niceness streak ended with a BANG. Boy she had one of those Lisa blow-ups that would just shake me to my core. And it happened because of those god damn pictures. She had come to pick up Johnnie per the usual Thursday pick-up. She must have had a tough day because we went to her truck and she was leaning back with her eyes closed. She had confided in me earlier in the week that she was having issues at work because Nikki had tested positive for Covid... and that she was officially leaving for maternity anyway. With her gone, and with a couple of assistants also leaving for one reason or the other, I can understand where Lisa was feeling underwater. And when she told me I simply told her that I know she will figure things out. Nothing I can do to help her. All I could do was encourage. Tonight it would have been nice and easy for her to just drive off. But nope, she had to ask to look at the pictures. And of course she noticed she was not in any of them. I could see that THAT bothered her. But what was I to do? I had no pictures of them to print, no Hawaii pictures. I thought she was going to send them to me but she didn't. And now she is growing upset by the minute. And she started yelling at me. Her tone was angry. I told her I am not going to be yelled at. Shit, I was practically in my parking lot. She could blow her gasket at her house. Not at mine. And so I walked away. Fuck her. When I made it in to my apartment she calls. NOW she's angry. She told me I wasn't being nice, I wasn't being helpful. Oh yeah. It's MY fault of course. Narcissistic bitch. Of course I understand that her office is all consuming right about now. But I tried to tell her that her yelling at me was not going to solve anything. This is NOT 2017. And I told her in no uncertain terms she needed to cool off. And then she started screaming... "I SUCK AT EVERYTHING OUTSIDE OF BEING A DENTIST" was what I caught on the phone. Ok that was it. I went outside to go get Johnnie. It was one thing to blow up at me. I was NOT going to let her do that in front of Johnnie. But when I got to the building parking lot where they were, the truck was no longer there. I guess she had left. What a way to fuck up my evening huh?! Just Lisa being her worst self. Nothing much to say or do except to get myself to calm down. Get some Ho'onoponopono chants in. As for Johnnie, he is now under Lisa's watch for better or worse. I hope he's ok. 

Wet, Blustery Monday

So this week is the last week of winter and boy is she trying to go out with a bang. So Cal woke up to rainfall this morning and so I could hardly be blamed if I just kept under my covers snug as a bug on a rug and slept in. But nope, it is Monday and a Monday of Tech Council Meeting week at that, which meant I have to do a lot of prep work for the next couple of days. Not to mention I have to do Covid Vaccine Reporting today as well, which already keeps me occupied for at least an hour.  And so with this on my mind, I hustled myself out of bed, did a quick mental scan. I am trying to keep to Joe Dispenza's advice to do all your mental and internal work early and first thing before you get on your ride for the day, which is all your regular work whatever that is. I actually found myself focusing on rain droplets on a leaf, that's how I focused and centered this morning. But then I went on and got started with Monday exercise routine. Mondays of course is my heavy steps day and although I could easily be given a pass for Rainy Day Monday, I decided I'd keep on with the routine. And so the pic I posted reflected me doing aerobics inside to my running playlist on Youtube, rather than taking in a usually sunny morning. Yep, I was still in my underwear too. And before 9 AM, before I even had breakfast, before I even took my shower I already had 4000 steps in. And I already felt pretty good about the morning. And with that I started the work routine, flipping between presentation slides I need to be making and the 10:30 Business Continuity meeting. For the first time in a year, we actually can talk about the possibility of some people going back to the office, though that by itself won't be a reality until the summer I think for when LA itself is going to start recovering. It's been an entire year that we as this particular meeting group is convened, that we've been doing this Monday thing and really you can't say that it hasn't worked. Most importantly is that our Executive Leadership thinks it's working and that's the opinion that counts. By the end of the meeting the rain had stopped and I at least ventured outside. It is still wet but then again, it's always the best right after it rains and the sun comes out and it's still kind of wet out. I ventured out to do steps of course and by the time I was having lunch I was already at 8500 steps and more than 70 active miles. At this point, I think I'm going to make the minimum goal of 14000 pretty easily. I probably could have taken a nap but then again I had to focus on getting my Covid reports out. By the time I got done it was already 2 PM. And so I went on to the prep-food-for the-week-routine. That would be the week's bacon supply LOL, that would be rice for the next couple of days, and that would be Johnnie's penne pasta starting tonight. And of course later on I would also make my stash of lamb stew. If it's still going to be cooler out all week, then soup and stew will still be the fare for this week. And so with all that going on, 5 PM came quickly. And the best part of that was that it was still very much light out. The best part of Daylight Saving actually. I was at Lisa's house by 5:30 and though there wasn't much of a mess, certainly not as much as she usually let Johnnie do, it wasn't a good sign that Lisa was upstairs in bed. Remember I hadn't talked to her since Saturday night. I let her deal with whatever she was dealing with, short of telling her she was creating her own illness experience. Tonight, she was really no different than she was for the last week and I really don't know how to help her any further other than to let her rest and get Johnnie and the dog out of her hair. She raised a fuss when she remembered the mess they left in the kitchen, what with Johnnie trying to create a worm farm. Why she would let him do that unsupervised is beyond me. And apparently her mom had come earlier and didn't help at all, which further triggered an angry reaction. So much so she lost in when she saw Johnnie's mud tracks all over the carpet on the stairs.  She yelled, she screamed, no different reactions than when I used to live here. The difference was that she couldn't blame it on me. And I certainly wasn't going to let her project all that shit on me either. I sat there and waited for she and JOhnnie to clean up whatever they needed to clean up and then off we went to more peaceful venues: my apartment.  My lamb stew was waiting for me, Johnnie's chicken broth penne was waiting for him, and even the dog seemed happy to be in the apartment again. All is good. Just another Monday LOL LOL.

Sort of A Tank Day, Lisa Drama

I got up this Friday morning buoyed by the fact that I was alone in my bed. I must admit that having Johnnie on one side of me on the bed and having the dog on the other side was pretty nice too and something I got used to during the week, it's also good to balance that with sleeping alone every once in a while and not having to get up early and whisk Johnnie to shower and get him breakfast... or take the dog outside quickly lest he pee or poop on my bed. And she's only been around a couple of weeks LOL. Still I really didn't have anything urgent on my plate today since I had done a lot of the heavy lifting work-wise the first part of this week. And so the goal this morning was to get out and get to the laundromat to get my comforter and sheet washed. And the bath mats too. Those I know the dog peed on during the week. I wanted to make sure with the bedsheets considering she had slept next to me even if it was just one night. And so by the time I got done with breakfast and headed out to the laundromat on National, it was almost 11 AM already! Still i had plenty of time to get my 2 huge loads done by lunch I thought. And i occupied myself otherwise by doing steps while waiting for the wash load to get done. Pretty good idea considering it was such a nice day out. Warm and spring like. So much so that by the time I got about 1000 steps in I was already working up a bit of a sweat. I tried to kill 2 birds with one stone too. After the wash load I put everything in 2 dryers and then headed to Whole Foods right down the street to pick up some teriyaki salmon for lunch. And so that was pretty much the morning right there. Spent at the laundromat. But well worth it considering how clean everything is now. I will be better prepared for the dog next week too once I make it out to Target to buy some pet stuff. The last thing for today was the monthly birthday party for the FRB via Zoom. I posted a picture of us and we actually had a lot of laughs with the game which was a scavenger hunt. Kind of reminded me of Johnnie's class games LOL.

Anyway after that meeting, work week was done! Would it have been too much to ask to have a quiet Friday evening even if it WAS to be spent at Lisa's house watching Johnnie while she practiced piano? After all, we did just that a week ago and it turned out fine. I forget of course that the wild card is always and forever be LISA. My intentions were good I thought... I bought steak, grilled it at my apartment barbecue. That takes out eating Lisa's leftover food. I would rather eat MY food. That thought pattern is probably something I should have watched. I brought penne pasta leftovers for Johnnie's soup, leftover rice from the teriyaki salmon at lunch. So food was taken care of. But I should have realized the second I walked through the door that Lisa was not in a good state.  We made it through getting whatever she needed to prepare all done, which was very VERY minimal since I brought the food and it was already cooked. All she had to do was sautee some spinach.  She got overwhelmed  when I made Johnnie's bowl of soup the way I usually do at the apartment... heat up the broth, put the pasta in. Johnnie eats it up. THAT threw off Lisa believe it or not. Which should have made me realize she was on overwhelm and that something was out of control and put her in that state. By dinner time she was talking about Eusebio and all his faults, her office and all the stuff going on, Nikki and how she's not performing and throwing off the office. She was in one of her states that used to make me just shut down.  Does she not realize this WAS the reason I wanted to get away from our relationship? She actually got through about an hour of piano but it only made her mood worse. When she yelled at Johnnie that made ME just snap back to make sure she realized all that yelling was not necessary. At this point all I wanted to do was get away. And I should have taken Johnnie with me because Lisa clearly had lost it. This was her state prior to every single one of our most of our biggest fights. Only this time, she couldn't blame me. Oh she tried to. I overheard her muttering about "me being not that much help".  Nothing I could do to help her I know. Just get out of there and realize all that drama was ME pushing something out. And it is THAT which I needed to address. I went home and just tried to distract myself with the movie BLISS on Amazon... strangely about an alternate reality.  I knew it was tied to whatever I needed to do  right then. I tried to quiet my mind the best I could, knowing I would need to be back at Lisa's first thing in the morning. At least I could get some sleep.