Christmas Eve in San Diego

With Lisa's episode, I then texted Grace to see what they were doing. And I immediately asked if I could come tonight for Christmas Eve. Plans for the Elams tomorrow? That is done. For me at least. I have no intention of being anywhere near Lisa. Even if it means I don't get to see Johnnie for Christmas. Fucking psycho. I took a shower and by 3 PM was on my way to San Diego. Obviously I spent the drive trying to clear my head, although I was actually surprised at how calm I was and how relatively well I handled it. I didn't do anything physical, and I wasn't even really bruised emotionally like I used to be. She had not done that since... oh one of those pick-up Thursdays LOL LOL when she was on overwhelm because of something in her office. There's always something. If it was just that I think i would have just shrugged it off as Lisa being Lisa. But like that Thursday night when Johnnie started crying, what makes me angry is that she did it in front of Johnnie. And there is no telling what kind of emotional programming she created by doing that. I mean she herself got fucked up by her own dad. I'm not saying I am not either. But anyone who knows their family history should not see this behavior of hers as a surprise. The surprise was how long I put up with it. At least I have better ways of dealing with it now, and specifically because I do not have to be around her at all should I choose. The only thing that prevents me from avoiding her 100% is not seeing Johnnie. And I do not want that. I put on a Ho'onoponopono track on the drive south and by Oceanside, I was actually feeling calm. So much so I made a stop and took a picture of the sunset on Surfrider Ave. It was a beautiful sunset. By the time I made it to Grace's house it was already 5:30 PM and it had started to rain. But I didn't care. I was actually one of the first ones there. Lisa had a friend of hers join them. My mom was already there and making remarks about how she was wondering if she actually did have a second son LOL LOL. And then the Cortez's came. It's funny how I haven't made it to one of these gatherings for the last few years. I prioritized Lisa's plans whatever they were. Tonight, there was a lot of food, lots of Swedish fare too. It was nice to see the Cortez's who i hadn't seen in years as well. And of course Maia and Alex was there. And Kianna came too after she got off work at 8 PM. She was working as a hostess/server at a convalescent home. Gee sounded familiar to my high school work years LOL. It was nice to talk about old stuff. Memories that only we have, shared from a common history. That too is part of being family. And so I had dinner, hung out and acted as if nothing was wrong. And then at 9 PM I drove home. It was raining, but I made it home safely. No one had any idea that I was actually hurting a bit inside. And that was ok. Hanging out with my family was EXACTLY what I needed. And made me feel 1000% better. I silently apologized to my fam and sent them gratitude energy. I'm sorry it took Lisa's idiotic antics to bring me there tonight. Remember I had no plans to do so. But I'm glad I did. I was so happy to be with everyone there.