Tests From the Universe

This was going to be a heavy meeting day all the way to 2:30 PM without even a break for lunch. How and why did I do that? And it got started at 9 AM with a OCHIN meeting that Eloisa had pinged me she was attending. I wonder why? She never attends these things. And when I looked at the agenda, it was heavier than I expected with lots of talk about HCCN. Maybe that's why she's attending. I note that this is ME again playing that old program of dread and fear that something bad is going to happen to my job. Did I not just note that I already have enough stashed for a year if I were to lose it? Which is precisely why I have to remind myself that this reaction is simply an old one that I need to re-condition and let go. And when I internalize that feeling that I have more than enough... a lot more, to replace the feeling of LACK, then I think commensurate results will also appear. As it was it seemed like all we needed to do was determine what projects to get done with HCCN for the year and then determine the champion and project leader. I always thought of myself as the project leader. It turned out Eloisa didn't want to be the project champion. She wanted me to be. And so I assigned Shilpa to be project lead for one of them and Lainie the other. And that was that. Yet again, much emotional sway over not much of anything really. Of course other stuff would come up. At the IS Team Meeting, Kennedy announced that he had taken another job. <sound of air coming out of my balloon> Man I invested time training this kid and he had finally developed this year into a key performer. And now I'm going to have to replace that position. Again. It's going to affect the department for a little bit to be sure. But am I really going to let this affect me? I remind myself a year ago when Lam left... I made it through that one just fine. I should be ok this time still. And it's funny while a team member gives me news of his departure in one meeting, in my next meeting I'm interviewing a new team member LOL. And we will probably hire her. The world moves on. I got one last TEST I think today, which came at my last meeting of the day with Barbara regarding an investigation of an unauthorized file access of a Queenscare staffer. or should I say unintentionally authorized file access. Barbara seems a little bent out of shape with this. I don't know what it was about her energy that completely turned me off and had me dismissing her as being overly grumpy today. Yes the person looked at files she wasn't supposed to. Hey, someone gave her access by mistake. Should she get fired for that? It wasn't her fault she got access. Slippery slope I think. I'm thinking I'm getting tested whether I want to continue to put up with this day-to-day stuff at QueensCare or be really ready to do something completely different and not do this job anymore. Of course, my solution is simply to retire and not have to work anymore. Live off dividends from my investments. $7500 a month after taxes. Withdraw $3500 every 2 weeks on auto from my investment account which continues to grow. I can live off that for a while I think. I will be just fine... 

In the meantime... once no longer working for anyone but myself, my focus will be my job as Johnnie's dad. I will say I watched Lisa fondly say goodbye to him on Monday night as she dropped off his rain stuff. That will be me tonight. Look at the pic I posted of him cleaning up the dining room table. That's all Lisa and I'm so glad because clearly I am NOT as dilligent with the neat and clean stuff. But boy he's telling me we can't have shoes in the house... he's asking to clean behind the couch. I couldn't be more pleased. The Universe may have thrown some tests at me today, but at the end of the day, it's what Johnnie and I do together is what counts. Traffic was really bad going to Panda Express even though it was barely 5 PM. Still like the parting of the REd Sea, while all these cars were competing for parking spaces like goofy nuts, I very quickly and easily found a space inside. And we were in and out of Panda Express with Johnnie's dinner in 5 minutes. And despite the traffic, we managed to weave our way home without really worrying about it too much. Johnnie had his teriyaki chicken and I made myself spaghetti and bolognese a la Arnel. And just chilled until Lisa called to pick up Johnnie around 8:30 PM. Yeah it was pretty late but I didn't care. We had already had our time together. And this is his last week of school before winter break after all. WE'll have plenty of time to spend together in the next 3 weeks. In the meantime, he spent the time waiting for his mom writing her a note and inventing a logo for his company. THAT is what I want to hear from my 7-yr old. Here is to hoping he doesn't spend 36+ years of his life working a 9-to-5, like his father just did and still does. Takes energy to get out of that program at this point but then again I did manage to amass some capital didn't I? It started to rain by the time Lisa got to my apartment. I didn't chit chat or talk about what was happening on Saturday which is really all I cared about. I could have sworn she replied with something to the effect of "I want you in my life" or something like that. I dismissed it because it felt out of context. I don't know whether I will see Johnnie this weekend and that's ok. Maybe it's time I get into the Christmas spirit LOL LOL. That I still gotta do.