Interruption to My Peace and Harmony

You know what they say you're not really afraid of failure as much as you are afraid of success. Likely that comes from the fear of unknown more than anything I think. And THAT came to my mind because I started today, Monday, with feelings of anxiety about the week. Which means a negative program of some sort is running in the background of my mind. I tried to counteract it with my other Monday routines. It IS after all still the day I push myself physically and exercise-wise more than any other day of the week. And that would be particularly good to combat these rogue negative thought patterns. Just goes to show you have to really stick to a mental diet and that the work is in what you focus on. I did get a late start on my shower and my breakfast but that's because I also got in some pretty good meditation first thing. And so by the time my morning meeting was done, I was at least closer to balance again... And then it seemed like the Universe provided me with one more test. That would be Lisa calling about the dog since I now agreed to take it with me when I have Johnnie.  I'm still confused though because Lisa clearly said that getting this dog was all about HER sanity and mental well-being. How does it help when the dog is with me Tuesdays through Thursdays and she's still sitting alone at home? I decided not to push that line of questioning. Until she called this morning and verified the plan. And then she brought up taking the dog to the vet. A required activity. But then she insinuated that I should pay for half the vet costs because this is sort of like Johnnie's costs. That's when I put my foot down. Uh-uh.  I never agreed to be part of this dog thing and I certainly don't wish to pay for half the costs. And I let Lisa know that in no uncertain terms that now I'm feeling blindsided. Those exact words probably set her off too because she got pissed off. And got personal. She said she forgot how cheap I was. Cheap? R U fucking kidding me? Who's paying for her fucking medical insurance? Who was bringing her groceries early on in the pandemic. This is what Lisa does is take on some serious selective memory and clings to a routine that isn't true. I'm cheap huh? She's Trump-like in that way. She won't back down even when you show her that she's clearly not right. Anyway she got mad, told me she would see me at 5 PM and I left it at that. I ain't paying for half the vet costs, that's as much as I'm sure. And then I realized I pushed something out that caused me to be angry myself. I did that.  And so I spent a good hour in the afternoon doing some Hoonoponopono meditations. 

I focused on work this afternoon. And also on the fact that I really considered today to be DO-OVER monday. We're almost towards the end of January and I am not any closer to my stated outcomes. Clearly I'm not as focused on the things I want to manifest as I think. And so I decided to do it from a New Year's Resolution kind of thing. I just want day-to-day progress. Progress a little at a time each day and after a couple of weeks, you will see that the progress is larger than you think or expect. I also ran into this document or article Creator's Code about manifestation. There is a tweak I'm missing and I need to find it and make an adjustment.  When I went to Lisa by 5 PM, mom and son were not home. Apparently THEY had gone to the vet. And I already knew I was going to get an earful of instructions about how to do this and how to do that. And I'm going to have to just quietly accept it and listen. After all it may be Lisa's dog. That much we settled.  But I also did agree to take her in and look after her when I have JOhnnie. And so unlike with JOhnnie, whatever I do with the dog I have to do Lisa's way. How annoying is that right? I volunteered only because I thought to myself how hard could it be? We took care of a puppy too way back in the day with Tim during my early college years. I loved that dog and that dog liked me a lot. I'm pretty sure I could figure this out. But nope, gotta be done Lisa's way. And so I took back Johnnie's stuff, the dog's stuff, and a big old cage. I mean is a cage really necessary? I'm pretty sure we are both well aware that the dog is going to be with me just for the next couple of days, just like Johnnie is. But I had to take the darn thing anyway. I thought that if today was a test of how to maintain my peace and harmony, then I didn't think I did too badly. Not that I scored an "A" either. But I didn't flunk the test i don't think. And besides, THAT too is one of the things I'm going to need to work on and show daily progress at anyway right? This lack of patience with people. It's something I work on and will continue to do so. Can't wait for massive progress on that one...