So today's golf game was at Roosevelt same as last week. Although I played ok, there were also holes I should have done better with as I grapple with my own consistency. Today I thought I'd practice with that consistency on the same golf course. I also wanted to practice mindfulness. By that I mean to focus on the shot the minute I hit the shot and not just swing willy-nilly asking the Universe to guide my swing. I realize that if I am focused on a bad outcome right at that moment, that is exactly what I am going to get. The key is to practice focusing more on the outcome that I want, the swing that I want. And be find a way to be relaxed, confident, and in rhythm instead of worrying about messing up. To that end, I let my body adjust itself, even right up to the point of making contact with the ball. So what happened? The first shot on the first tee went almost exactly where I hit it last week. And although I muffed the 2nd shot, I did have a shot at par from the edge of the green. 3 putting from there got me a 6. That already tells me I have to make adjustments on my putts. Same old story. Second hole, I muffed twice but I did have a nice first tee shot and a decent recovery shot to the green. I ended up with a 7. On the short 3rd tee where I blew a par putt last week, I blew the tee shot and ended up with a 5. I finally picked it up on Hole 4 I hit almost exactly like last week and like last week I had a 5, barely missing a par putt. And then I had a nice tee shot on the next hole but clunked the 2nd shot in the bunker and had to dig it out. I got a 6 on that one. Finally on the funnel hole I broke through. A beautiful iron 150 yards down the field, another iron that went past the hole and then I made a miracle putt for a birdie! Same thing with the next hole, nice tee shot with an iron, got to a par putt, missed it for a 4. And then on Hole 8 I blew up starting from the tee shot. Got a 7 on that one. And then on the last hole I finished with a par! Hey I didn't play too bad. I had a par and a birdie! Hey I did have a round of 46 right? That isn't bad. Just a couple of shots over bogey. And I knew my mistakes were very correctable. I think I just needed to warm up because I actually played very well from Hole 4 on. If you took away the first 3 holes and hole 8, I was doing well. And so I can say I was more satisfied with today's round than last week. Getting a birdie and a par on the last hole will do that for ya.
And so I went home, got my IN-N-Out lunch and basically replicated last Sunday. And took a nice nap right after lunch too. I got another chance at some ME TIME like yesterday before I decided to watch a slew of movies instead. Today I realize I have to do homework if I need to foray into the stock market tomorrow, and indeed if I need to monitor the GameStop situation and other brewing short sells. It seems like the Reddit crew is now turning its attention on silver. Hmmm. If anything that shows me that it truly is possible to have homerun wins in the stock market rather than following a methodical plan though that too is good. I can win at both right? But it turned out I never did get any homework done. And that's because I just focused on feeling good and appreciating the weekend and appreciating the moment. I ended up making lamb stew... again like last week but this time I added more meat, and I added more potatoes. I even took a video of me enjoying myself while I prepared the meal. I was braising my lamb right then. Awww... wouldn't it be nice if I were doing this for someone who can appreciate it (no dig at Lisa there LOL - after all she did show lots of appreciation in the early days when I would make her stir fry all the time. And spaghetti... how can we forget Sunday night spaghetti?!). Turns out I do enjoy cooking though. And although I barely ate enough of my own lamb stew to make a dent in the food I prepared, i was really REALLY full. I concluded my Sunday night watching Snowpiercer on AMC. And when I looked up it was already close to midnight and my eyelids were starting to droop. There went the weekend. And I have no complaints.
So this morning Lisa needed a different plan. She scheduled her car maintenance at Culver City Mazda and so that was my destination this morning first thing to pick up mommy and son and give them a ride home. Look at the pic of Johnnie that I posted. That was about midday while we were picking up his lunch at Panda Express. And by then it had gotten back up to the mid-60s and sunny. No need for layers by that time. But it was chilly first thing and although we tried to go get croissants and muffins for breakfast at old fave Rockenwagner, the line in front of the store dissuaded both Lisa and I. And we ended up just going to her house and her fixing all of us breakfast. Eggs for Johnnie, eggs for me, pancakes for all. And of course Earl Grey hot tea. Worked for me. And then it was time to head out so Lisa could do her piano lesson at mid-day. This time she asked that if we were going to go grocery shopping, to pick up Progresso chicken soup for Johnnie. And maybe Illy coffee for herself. This from the woman who called me cheap earlier in the week. But then again we had that all straightened out already. What I heard was "Can you fork up an extra $300 for vet expenses for a dog you never planned for?" What she was trying to say was "Hey would it be ok if I used the joint expense account since there is a lot of money in there still, a few hundred dollars for vet expenses". If that was the way she would have asked in the first place, I would have easily said YES without a second thought. Because it was money I was never going to miss. Funny... all miscommunication is a matter of decryption of where both people's minds are. At least we could discuss it today and all was good. AND off I went buying her Johnnie's chicken noodle soup AND Illy Coffee which required separate trips to Whole Foods and Ralphs. Wouldn't it be great if Whole Foods would sell Progresso soup? Wouldn't be even better if Ralphs sold ground Illy coffee? Anyway all that running around pretty much took up the entire morning and Johnnie barely got in a couple of episodes of the first season of Camp Cretaceous before it was already time to head out to pick up said lunch. We didn't have the dog with us because we left her at Lisa's. But as soon as she got done with her lesson it was already time to pick her up again. I was also her ride back to the dealer to pick up her car when it got done. I figured I was running errands anyway. No big deal.
You will notice I also posted a pic of Johnnie missing his front tooth, which FINALLY came out today. He actually texted me via Lisa first thing this morning. I'm relieved it happened at Lisa's watch although the one next to it is loose too and is ready to go. Ahh another childhood timemarker in the books. And he's already sprouting past his 5T pants. So much so that after I dropped off Lisa and Johnnie at Culver City Mazda, I went to Target on Sepulveda to check out what the next size is for him. Turns out he has gone past toddler sizes and he now is officially in the child/boy sizes, albeit still SM and XS. Didn't I just buy him all this 5T pants not a couple of months ago? Thank God Cat and Jack at Target is cheap! And finally I get the rest of Saturday for some ME time. I reminded myself that I already did my Netflix movie night but honestly I just needed whatever downtime I could get... and if that meant just sinking into the couch and watching more movies, then so be it. First things first was to catch up on this journal, which was a few days behind. And then of course I had to make sure I was on pace for my 10000 steps, although I wasn't behind at all courtesy of walking around grocery stores all day long. I had actually made my own run at Trader Joe's after Target. And so after all that and settling myself in I made myself some DIY pizza from Trader Joe's. Nothing to it... just put a bunch of pineapple on top of the pepperoni. Good to go. And I watched the movie "FINDING OHANA" on Netflix, which was sort of a 2021 version of Goonies. I must say I enjoyed the movie for a bunch of reasons but most so because it pulled me back to thoughts of Hawaii yet again. <I'm going to have to find a way to find property there that I could go to in retirement huh? Shouldn't be a problem for a master manifestor right?> And then there were new faces and old faces too. Kelly Hu was the mom and she has gotten older too. Yet another reminder of my own age. Didn't i have a signed poster of her up in my Beverly Glen apartment 17-18 years ago? Now she has gray hair too. Anyway the other theme was reconnecting with family and also reconnecting with one's roots.A message for me too perhaps.This as I saw a picture of Grace on FB taking a walk with my mom at her house in West Covina today. I'm SURE she sees my posts because she comments on them. Johnnie's tooth out, Johnnie's puppy video which was seen far and wide by all accounts. So much so Lisa had to ask to see it herself. And so by far the most emotional scene in the movie was Kelly and her previously estranged dad (played by Branscome Richmond... as in Renegade series in the 90s with Lorenzo Llamas) making things right because they had lots of emotional baggage. And then there was the Vietnamese kid from Indiana Jones Temple of Doom, an older man now obviously trying to help show Kelly the way. Anyway the dad-daughter scene had Ho'onoponopono written all over it. And had me sniffling myself and asking the Universe for forgiveness. Needless to say the movie made an impression. And who's to say this wasn't the internal work I needed to get done today after all?!
And so it was that I surveyed my apartment after having dealt with a dog the past 3 days. I will say it wasn't bad at all really. More dirt from Johnnie than anything. How does that much dirt get accumulated under his study table? I did a quick once over with the broom and it was ok. In the meantime, it had stopped raining already but it was still cold. I did some meditation first thing and by the time I got up and about it was already 8:30 AM! Oh well, at least I had my breakfast in and gotten my shower BEFORE I did a 9:30 meeting.. and that one was about Data Analytics, in order to make sure James is on track, and also to get him to show me how to run some of the reports he should have been running. It only took that meeting to make me feel better about being more in control.. CONTROL being the operative word here. That and the fact that I was able to give some reports to the Finance Team about UDS, which I promised at the beginning of the week. It's all about accountability and credibility too. And I'm not letting James sow any seeds of doubt about either. I did remember that he did best when he was working with Justin and somehow Justin and he were able to be their most productive selves when it came to the reports. So much so I left them alone. Maybe I should have paid more attention. Anyway Justin is long gone and I still have a job to do. I wanted to do some early shopping too but I got so into the reports I was trying to run that by 3 PM, I was barely at 2000 steps. And I realized I was still going over to Lisa's tonight. And so I did a quick jog/powerwalk around the walkway area and I did manage to get the equivalent of a mile-and-a-half in inside of 45 minutes. That got me caught up real quickly. And by the end of the day, I had delivered on the reports I promised, including James' stuff and I was headed over to Lisa's. Funny, there was no TANK DAY today and I would even venture to say I'm actually working harder than I ever did when I reported to the office. I wonder why that is?
Lisa had called earlier that they had taken the dog out for a walk and that they would be in by 5:30. I suggested we just call out for dinner. This being a chilly night and all, some nice pho would hit the spot I thought. And so I made a Grubhub order, noting that I paid $59 for tonight's dinner fees and all. I'm cheap huh? HAH! How do I politely tell Lisa that I only spend money on food these days when I'm buying a MEAL FOR HER??? Anyway I got there and she was on the phone. And it was Joy and the kids from Maui. Awww. I miss these guys. I miss Hawaii. Badly. Last year was the first time Lisa and Johnnie did not go to Hawaii for the year, and I would be going on the 2nd year. I'm ACHING to go, even by myself if I had to. But I do want to take Johnnie too. Although really he would have more a lot more fun if he went and hung out with Joy and the kids Kavena and Makahinu. And since Joy is Lisa's friend, of course he would have to go when she's going. And I'm not so sure I'd want to horn in on that vacation. It would just be too complicated I think. Or would it? Who says I can't go more than once? Anyway everything is still up in the air because who knows when Hawaii and California would actually open up for travel. We're hoping the vaccine accelerates a return to semi-normalcy on that front but we'll see in a couple of months or so. In the meantime, I let Lisa talk on the phone, made Johnnie's noodles for dinner and the pho actually DID hit the spot. In fact, i was really full afterwards. Lisa got to practice piano for almost an hour, Johnnie and I got to do our dad-and-son horseplay, and the dog? She was asleep that entire time. AND I got to finish out 10000 steps tonight. I didn't push hard for 11000 as I had already done plenty earlier in the week to keep on track. And of course, when I got home, I had to do Netflix night and I watched the latest movie that came out courtesy of a quick download. That would be Denzel Washington's Little Things: a crime drama with Rami Malek. Heavyweight acting, but not as compelling as I would have thought considering the actors. Oh well, at least I got movie night in. We're all good for the weekend. And I'm back at Lisa's first thing...
It was supposed to rain all day today. I only cared because it meant I wouldn't be able to walk the dog outside for him to poop or pee. He's been pretty good about that at least in terms of not pooping or peeing inside the house. So far he did it once. And that was yesterday morning when I got up really early and showered before Johnnie had even gotten up. The dog was with me in the bathroom and was watching ME poop. And pooped on the floor too. Fortunately, he was already there in the bathroom. All I had to do was pick up the poop with TP and flush it right down the toilet a foot away. Funny. All that to say that dog is now part of the point of focus for the time I have him, which looks to be the same time I have Johnnie. I don't think I've fully thought out what that means exactly but then again Lisa does tend to do these READY FIRE AIM kind of things that affect me and all I can bank on is my ability to deal with stuff and come out looking pretty good. Yep, dare I say it, I MAKE LISA and her decisions LOOK GOOD. And then I realize that's my ego talking and I have to talk my own self down. Today I realize I am also in the mindset that I just have to make it through today and that would be it for the week pretty much. Not quite so at work since James did not make my IS Team Meeting. What the heck is going on with that guy? It made my interview with a potential Lam replacement before lunch all the more important. And the funny thing was that this guy I interviewed was pretty much a Lam clone. Very well qualified but I have my doubts in terms of managing someone. Anyway we'll have to see how it turns out when he does his second interview with Dennis tomorrow.
As expected it rained cats and dogs today though it really didn't matter much because Johnnie had Zoom classes all the way through 1:30 PM when he had a play-doh play date with some of his classmates too. Also online LOL. The photo I posted was a microcosm of the day really. Johnnie eating his Panda Express dinner while watching Tigger and Pooh and the dog is playing with my shoelaces while I'm kicking back at the end of the day. I was in the middle of running reports by this time so my day was not over by any means. I barely re-learned how to run these damn reports in Business Objects so at least I have a sense of control with the UDS Reports, the most important set that I can not fail on. And so there it is, still about CONTROL more than anything. I've spent a great deal of time molding the IS Infrastructure team into the cohesive unit that they are because i have taught them to have accountability with our users and with each other. And so far James is still his old unreliable self. But I have to put up with it don't I? And I have to work extra hard myself too don't I? Stay tuned. So Lisa actually called EARLY tonight to pick up Johnnie. Shocking. Now that she has the dog to think about, of course this would be expected. And I was only all too happy to hand Johnnie off early tonight. I was tired. And Johnnie was already bored. He wanted to go off and play with the dog. Best to let that happen at Lisa's. And so she came over in the heavy rain and we did the hand-off in the garage. All good. And then she half explained that most of the people she related the story to about the toothbrush and the dog was pretty much on my side. That she should simply say THANK YOU to me. Shocking. And she invited me to come over tomorrow to watch Johnnie while she practiced piano. I guess we're all good again. I went back in and finally got back to another project... how to make a USB stick work on my Amazon Firestick... that way I can watch all these other movies that somehow the media player won't decode. What a geek I am... But then again, by 11 PM, I got it working! Yes I'm a tech geek. Proud of it too.
All that stuff with Lisa from the past couple of days was a reminder how much our past relationship was all about control. And make no mistake, I was just as adamant about keeping control as Lisa was. It wasn't all her. Which means I have stuff to work on every single day. Actually even with the dog and all I had been good about meditating when I first wake up in the morning, and during the past couple of mornings that's been around 4 or 5 AM. I had gotten pretty good about getting myself into alpha/theta state and maybe even deeper and cycle through the images in my mind that represent the things that I want to manifest in my life: I PROVIDE MASSIVE VALUE I HELP OTHERS I HEAL MYSELF WITH EASE I HELP OTHERS HEAL WITH EASE I AM RICH BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS I HAVE MORE MONEY AND HIGHER INCOME THAN I WILL EVER NEED I AM FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT. And then I work on the objections that happen to come up. I know if I keep this up consistently results will come inevitably. And even with the massive value thing, I feel like I at least accomplish a lot at work. I'm focused on Data Analytics and reports for now of course, but it's not like nothing is going on with the rest of my team. In fact, one of our Health Centers had gone down yesterday and yet even without a support contract, I managed to band together my team and get replacement hardware as we found something in the City of Industry. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. By the end of the day we're all good as IF we had that support contract. Saved my company about $40K with that one I think LOL. In the meantime, Johnnie chugs right along with Dance class and Art class today and today the focus was on the color R-E-D. Really appropriate with the T-shirt I chose for him to wear today huh?! And so both Johnnie and I chug along with a lot going on today and by lunchtime I think I at least felt like I was pretty productive already. What I also wanted to do was to get started in the stock market to create other sources of income as there is a lot of hulabaloo around a particular stock (Gamestop GME) that was pushed from $19 to almost $380 today because of chatter in a subreddit called wallstreetbets that I had been lurking in for more than a year now. Oh WHY did I not plunk down a few bucks in that stock like a million other Redditors did?! At least I know it's possible. Who needs education anyway?! I tell ya it's all about being in the middle of information...
At least today we didn't hear from Lisa. Nothing to report anyway, the dog pretty much sleeps a lot during the day. Look at the pic I took of Johnnie "walking" her in the little garde area right in the patio outside of my front door. I wanted to get all that done before it started to rain as heavy rain is forecasted for later on today and through the night and through tomorrow. Hey it's winter right? So focused was I on avoiding the rain that I drove Johnnie to pick up his Panda Express dinner a full hour before we usually do. And then I decided to go to Target on Sepulveda so we could pick up some play-doh for his play date with his class tomorrow. I wanted to make sure he had all the materials he needed. By the time we got to Target, Johnnie was out and so was the dog. I guess they were both tired out from a full day. And so I let them both sleep. Of course Johnnie eventually did wake up around 6 PM, which was early enough for dinner. And the dog woke up too by that time. But the teriyaki chicken had gotten cold and so Johnnie didn't really eat a whole lot. In the meantime I made myself some nice pork and bok-choy casserole that I used to make for Lisa and I. That over rice was perfect and continued the week long home made food streak. That lamb stew from the weekend actually made for some perfect soup. Especially now that it's colder? It was great to just heat it up and have something savory and rich. I'm hoping I can replicate that for next week. By the time it got dark, it did start to rain. And then the drizzle turned into real rain and that was ok. I was actually hard at work trying to remember how I used to run all these reports from back in the day. That would be more than 5 years ago though when I was a lot more hands on with reports. By the time I got the department back 3 months ago, it was far more advanced and all that new stuff I had to learn and then all the old stuff I had to remember. Hey... providing massive value right? I felt guilty pretty much leaving Johnnie to play with the dog and entertain himself. But then again he isn't complaining. At least he gets to watch episode after episode of Tigger and Pooh right? I was a lot more tired than I thought by the time Johnnie's bedtime rolled around. So much so I was asleep before he was. I faintly remember putting his iPad away when he handed it to me. Somehow, the dog was already in the cage about to fall asleep too. Tonight we're going to try the cage and see what happens. I didn't care one way or the other. I was already asleep.
I'm thinking to myself that I was very supported early last year when Lisa took in her mom's dog Zucco. But then again that was because I knew for a fact I wouldn't have to take care of it. Plus there was always a chance Lisa would tire of it which is, of course, exactly what happened after a couple of weeks. This time around is WAY different and it had more of the feel of when we took Johnnie home. Taking home a child has a permanency to it. This is it, good bad or ugly. And no matter what happens, no matter the adversity, the fights, divorce, or whatever you MUST make an adjustment for the sake of Johnnie. Getting a puppy like this also has a permanency to it. I mean what are you going to do, give it back if it doesn't work out. Nope. You have to adjust the notion of not working out. You figure things out. And by Lisa making this decision I reminded her yesterday that I am a small part of the equation of "figuring things out". And I felt like I also drew a large boundary line and defined my own: "to a degree". And I was proud of myself for that. Still I didn't expect that much change except for the sleeping part. I don't know WHY Lisa thought the dog should sleep in the cage. It's a puppy for God's sake, you can train her to be in a cage when she's a little older. The bottom line is that I know you do whatever you need to in order to make the puppy feel as less stressed and as comfortable as possible or you will hear it. As in the puppy will cry out. So last night I just ix-nayed the sleeping in the cage thing and let her sleep next to the bed so she could see me. I think that helped because she didn't cry the entire night. I also took her out to pee and poop the second I woke up. Sigh. Memories of being up all night feeding Johnnie every couple of hours. My personal battle scars LOL. Now I realize that my waking up routine is changing again. But then again I said it was ok didn't I. I signed up for it. Sigh. As far as the rest of the day, Johnnie's class schedule wasn't disrupted at all. And neither was my work schedule really. And I had a couple of meetings in the morning, one of them a job interview for the Data Analytics position. I was happy to talk to someone that might actually be qualified for the position.
By midday I was thinking about adjustments, as in things we need to do differently since we have the dog now and we can't leave her at home. For one thing, dinner pick-up at Panda Express happened in Westwood instead of Sawtelle because I had to leave Johnnie in the car with the dog and I was much more comfortable doing that in the Westwood parking lot than in the Sawtelle parking structure. Then we also had to make sure she was walked outside and I don't mean a full walk but I kept sending Johnnie out with her so she could poop and pee. All good so far, despite the warnings from Lisa that she would poop inside the house on something. What I did NOT count on though was Lisa calling at 5:30 PM to check on us. Not that THAT was bad, and in fact that I was expecting really. But she insisted on buying a toothbrush for the dog and dropping it off tonight. THAT threw me for a loop. I know Tuesday nights are the nights Lisa feels that pang of being alone the most since she can't play soccer anymore. But I had to remind her she still wasn't allowed inside the house. When I have Johnnie is our time together. As in alone together. And any event that includes Lisa is something that happens as a special event, like a birthday or a celebration of some sort. Any normal night like tonight, I simply prefer Johnnie and I do our thing, and now with the dog, and I really don't care WHAT Lisa does. And so Lisa picked up immediately that I was irritated about her coming over. I mean can't it wait until Thursday? Is the dog really going to feel the difference if she doesn't start brushing her teeth until then? I mean WHO brushes their dog's teeth anyway? Lisa seemed more than a little surprised that i wasn't actually welcoming her with open arms. Quite the opposite really. I can't really tell her straight out that she is STILL interrupting my PEACE and HARMONY. Like yesterday. Sigh. Still I let her come and she had to show me how to brush the dog's teeth right there at the front of my apartment. And then off she went thank God. And off we went back inside. Even Johnnie seemed confused. "What is mom doing here? he asked". I don't know Little Bug... she feels like she has to see the dog I guess and that's ok... was how I put it. Still it WAS our first full day with the dog without Lisa and I guess it's ok for her to think about how things were going. I hope she saw for herself that we're doing ok. All is good. This is ME we're talking about LOL. Why wouldn't it be?!
You know what they say you're not really afraid of failure as much as you are afraid of success. Likely that comes from the fear of unknown more than anything I think. And THAT came to my mind because I started today, Monday, with feelings of anxiety about the week. Which means a negative program of some sort is running in the background of my mind. I tried to counteract it with my other Monday routines. It IS after all still the day I push myself physically and exercise-wise more than any other day of the week. And that would be particularly good to combat these rogue negative thought patterns. Just goes to show you have to really stick to a mental diet and that the work is in what you focus on. I did get a late start on my shower and my breakfast but that's because I also got in some pretty good meditation first thing. And so by the time my morning meeting was done, I was at least closer to balance again... And then it seemed like the Universe provided me with one more test. That would be Lisa calling about the dog since I now agreed to take it with me when I have Johnnie. I'm still confused though because Lisa clearly said that getting this dog was all about HER sanity and mental well-being. How does it help when the dog is with me Tuesdays through Thursdays and she's still sitting alone at home? I decided not to push that line of questioning. Until she called this morning and verified the plan. And then she brought up taking the dog to the vet. A required activity. But then she insinuated that I should pay for half the vet costs because this is sort of like Johnnie's costs. That's when I put my foot down. Uh-uh. I never agreed to be part of this dog thing and I certainly don't wish to pay for half the costs. And I let Lisa know that in no uncertain terms that now I'm feeling blindsided. Those exact words probably set her off too because she got pissed off. And got personal. She said she forgot how cheap I was. Cheap? R U fucking kidding me? Who's paying for her fucking medical insurance? Who was bringing her groceries early on in the pandemic. This is what Lisa does is take on some serious selective memory and clings to a routine that isn't true. I'm cheap huh? She's Trump-like in that way. She won't back down even when you show her that she's clearly not right. Anyway she got mad, told me she would see me at 5 PM and I left it at that. I ain't paying for half the vet costs, that's as much as I'm sure. And then I realized I pushed something out that caused me to be angry myself. I did that. And so I spent a good hour in the afternoon doing some Hoonoponopono meditations.
I focused on work this afternoon. And also on the fact that I really considered today to be DO-OVER monday. We're almost towards the end of January and I am not any closer to my stated outcomes. Clearly I'm not as focused on the things I want to manifest as I think. And so I decided to do it from a New Year's Resolution kind of thing. I just want day-to-day progress. Progress a little at a time each day and after a couple of weeks, you will see that the progress is larger than you think or expect. I also ran into this document or article Creator's Codeabout manifestation. There is a tweak I'm missing and I need to find it and make an adjustment. When I went to Lisa by 5 PM, mom and son were not home. Apparently THEY had gone to the vet. And I already knew I was going to get an earful of instructions about how to do this and how to do that. And I'm going to have to just quietly accept it and listen. After all it may be Lisa's dog. That much we settled. But I also did agree to take her in and look after her when I have JOhnnie. And so unlike with JOhnnie, whatever I do with the dog I have to do Lisa's way. How annoying is that right? I volunteered only because I thought to myself how hard could it be? We took care of a puppy too way back in the day with Tim during my early college years. I loved that dog and that dog liked me a lot. I'm pretty sure I could figure this out. But nope, gotta be done Lisa's way. And so I took back Johnnie's stuff, the dog's stuff, and a big old cage. I mean is a cage really necessary? I'm pretty sure we are both well aware that the dog is going to be with me just for the next couple of days, just like Johnnie is. But I had to take the darn thing anyway. I thought that if today was a test of how to maintain my peace and harmony, then I didn't think I did too badly. Not that I scored an "A" either. But I didn't flunk the test i don't think. And besides, THAT too is one of the things I'm going to need to work on and show daily progress at anyway right? This lack of patience with people. It's something I work on and will continue to do so. Can't wait for massive progress on that one...
And so I got my wish this morning, it stopped raining and the sun was already peeking out by the time I left for golf. It WAS cold though but that wasn't going to stop me or even slow me down this morning. We were scheduled for Roosevelt where we hadn't played in almost 2 months and we also had Chris Greenleaf playing with us who we hadn't played with in that time as well. So we had our full complement this morning and it actually felt "normal" however normal feels. I do miss the banter when all 4 of us are playing together and this morning, it was a very welcome return to what once was usual. This morning I focused on the parallel between my inner work with manifestation and my outcomes and the golf and what i INTENDED. I intended to have a good game and feel good about my play. I intended to slow down my swing and relax and i intended to enjoy the morning outside. After all, it is nicest out the day after it rains. No exception today, it WAS a beautiful day and after a couple of holes, it did start to warm up some. So to the golf: I hit my first shot well, but I couldn't find the ball as it must have skipped under the fence. I shot a 6 on that first hole but I decided I was just warming up. I also hit a nice shot on the 2nd hole but hit short on the next to fairway shots and ended up with a 7. I finally tied for a win with a 4 on the short Hole 3, driving my iron to the green. And on Hole 4, I blasted my first shot and got my fairway drive to the green, well past the hole. Still I was up there in 2 and just missed a par putt to tie again. On Hole 5, I blasted my first shot again, my best tee shot all day but missed a tying putt. Hey it was ok. I was playing ok. Hole 6 the tunnel hole I shot a 5 after again overshooting the flag on my 3rd shot. And on Hole 7, I shot a 4 only losing because Scott shot a nice par. And he had a great hole on the next one too. I got a 6 on that one. And finally on the last hole, we ALL shot 4s. All in all, a much better game for me than any game in the last month! And I had fun playing with the guys and it was a beautiful day. And i rewarded myself with IN-N-Out double double for lunch too.
So Lisa and I talked about me coming over for dinner later to help her eat the Panini Grill food and to meet the puppy and talk over arrangements. That meant talking over when I was going to watch her of course LOL. It was clear to me that Lisa made the decision to get the dog more out of her sanity than for Johnnie. I know she gets lonely when she comes home from work during the week and there is no one there and without soccer to give her a social outlet, she is struggling. I get that. But I also know that this was a snap decision and it will affect me in some way. I knew Johnnie would be more than thrilled with getting a dog, and the thing I wanted to focus on was that he knows it is HIS responsibility when we have him. Which means we know we're going to get him and Lisa actually verified that. She asked me if I could take the dog Tuesdays through Thursdays. Why was not I even surprised?! Then again, how is it going to help her emotional wellbeing during those days if the dog is with me?? I don't know what her plan is, and it's pretty clear she hasn't exactly thought it all the way through. I am simply going to stay in react mode and help in any way I can I guess. Tonight I did go over and ate Panini Grill and met the dog. She reminded me of Max, Ellen's dog. It was immediately clear that the bulk of the training will need to fall on Johnnie as well as he needs to develop some impulse control. This as my forearms bear scratches from Johnnie and I horseplaying. I do remember when Lisa got Zucco when we first went to quarantine way back in April. I HOPE it doesn't become like that where Lisa just simply got tired of the whole thing within a few weeks and sent the dog back with her mom. I don't think she'll be able to do that this time so I hope the fact that she has to do the training with everything makes a difference. I mean it's a puppy and this one will have to learn everything from scratch. And so tonight I gave Lisa the gift of watching Johnnie and the puppy for an hour while she practiced piano. We will have to work everything else out as we go. Funny. Just like Johnnie huh? And that worked out just fine. I am hoping this one does too.
So it actually started raining late last night. And the raindrops on the windowsill outside actually lulled me to sleep. Not that it made an iota of difference actually other than Johnnie gets to wear rain gear that he hadn't worn in quite some time. Just last week it was almost 80 degrees for crying out loud. We could use a little rain. As long as it stops by tomorrow morning so I could have my usual golf round. This morning I was still half asleep when I dragged myself to Lisa's house, mildly surprised that Johnnie was already dressed and ready to go. Of course he's excited to go to my house today. I told him he could watch the new Season 2 of Jurassic World Camp Cretaceous which just came out yesterday. But before ANY of that, breakfast this morning is from McDonald's just like a usual week day, and I'm hoping restaurants get opened again soon so we could start doing Elysee once again. It just isn't the same going over there for pick-up. Might as well stick with McDonald's if that's the case. And so it was that Johnnie had his usual eggs and sausage and pancakes and I took a really nice, hot and longer-than-usual shower. It's already rare that I shower on a Saturday when I have Johnnie, but today I deemed it necessary since I didn't do it yesterday. We are not going to replay last week when I did not shower for the entire 3-day weekend. And then as soon as I got done and ready and got my own breakfast in, we did a round of grocery shopping. Not the usual round though. This morning it was at Mitsuwa so I could pick up Japanese food. I'm readying myself to hunker down all next week since it's supposed to rain a lot. And then at Whole Foods so I could replenish my peach iced tea. And finally by lunchtime of course we had to go to Panda Express to pick up Johnnie's lunch. And the pictures I posted here are from our venture out: first at the line entering Mitsuwa (which I hadn't gone into for months) and then waiting for our food at Panda. It wasn't really raining all that hard, barely a soft drizzle. I just wanted to add something wintery to Johnnie's pics collection. And of course he got to watch Camp Cretaceous after we got to the house. 8 NEW episodes of Darius, Kenji, Sammy Guttierez, Jasmina, and Brooklyn. I must say this set was a tad scarier than the first season, so much so Johnnie had to hide behind my back or close his eyes in certain stretches. They didn't show anyone being eaten of course, not like Jurassic World... but a couple DID get eaten by the T-Rex and there was definitely a couple of bad guys towards the end. Still on this rainy Saturday, it was nice to just chill and hunker down indoors. And it was nice to actually have Johnnie and I just bunker down on the couch and watch Camp Cretaceous together for the afternoon. That was after I tried to take a nap and it was clear it wasn't going to happen with Johnnie around. And so it was that we got to hang out all day until Lisa called around 4 PM. I thought it was going to be a simple hand-off. No such thing with Lisa really, or at least it is fairly rare. And today she had big news. Apparently she has an opportunity to get a puppy for free courtesy of some info from Mel who was picking up one herself. And so Lisa was making a quick decision and decided to go for it. Yes she decided today all of a sudden that they're going to have a dog. Of course she had to let me know... because I end up backing her up and who knows what she has in her mind in terms of the dog being with Johnnie. And so she had to pick up the dog tonight. And I told her that she should just bring Johnnie with her and they can pick it up together. I would tell him that mom has a surprise. I can't believe he responded with "I hate surprises!". Must be me talking LOL. Lisa invited me to come over later when they got back from picking up the dog so she could have some "help", maybe to figure stuff out. Does this remind me of the Friday we decided to pick up Johnnie and we hadn't even rigged the house up yet? No crib no nothing. We did that over that weekend. She'll have to go at it again now isn't she? Anyway to cut right down to the chase, she called back around 6 PM. By then I had gone to Ralphs and had it in my mind that I was going to make stew tonight. Even though Lisa had already let me know she had plenty of food from Panini Grill and I was welcome to have some. Somehow you just know you have to go with your plans and let Lisa's plans be the alternate just in case. And so I had lamb from this morning's Whole Foods trip and bought the veggies and I was cutting all of those up when the call from Lisa came back. They were on their way home but she sounded very much going in many different directions. Surprise. She asked Johnnie to invite me over and Johnnie did... for tomorrow night. It was fine, I don't have to meet the puppy tonight. Wasn't I glad I made lamb stew. And without sauce and using my own seasonings it actually turned out really, really well! I was actually quite surprised at how well it turned out! Wow. Lamb stew for a rainy Saturday evening. Perfect.
I woke up this morning with my first thought in my head being that I needed a TANK DAY today. And if we were working at the FRB, I would have easily just drove to work and mailed the entire day in. And not that I couldn't do it working from home mind you. It's just that it has now been more than 10 months that we've all been working from home and by this time, there really IS no difference and in fact, it's more like a mental thing more than anything that I'm in work mode. That is to say, there really is no such a thing as TANK DAY anymore. Everyday could be a TANK DAY but no different than everyday could be work my ass off day too. Case in point, the last couple of days when I logged in at least 6 Zoom meetings. When did I have that many meetings when we were in person at the FRB? Today I even had another meeting as well though it's a non-QueensCare one. It's an eval meeting for the CCALAC Symposium which I agreed to sit on the evaluation committee, just so I could get some free admission to the symposium itself. And as an added cherry on top of the ice cream, I myself put in a submission for cybersecurity. Couldn't hurt to bolster my credentials for expertise on the subject couldn't I? And so it was that I basically DID tank most of the morning, actually staying in my pajamas until well past breakfast. And in the end, I didn't even take a shower. I did do my emails and I did put in some work in, including said meeting in the afternoon. And when that meeting was over, I headed on over to Trader Joe's to do grocery shopping, signifying to myself that I am ending my work day. Usually I'd hang around until 5 PM had we still been at the FRB. And I even posted a pic from exactly a year ago when I would walk over to 7th and Fig to get a pineapple and pepperoni and sausage pizza just to get my steps in and get dinner too. No need for that anymore. I was just doing another one of my time travel jaunts in my mind. Tonight was just dinner at home and doing steps, especially since I really didn't get started on the latter until after that afternoon meeting, which meant that I sat on 1600 steps until then. An hour of aerobics caught me up pretty easily and before it even got dark. And then I decided to have one of those Cuban chicken bowls i picked up from Trader Joe's earlier for dinner. And some soup. And a cheese quesadilla. NO eating out tonight. No need.
And for Friday night, I did do Netflix night just like I would if it were a year ago. Tonight it was about the WINx saga, yet another series on magic and a bunch of young people at a school for magic learning about themselves and their powers and coming into their own. Yes it was in the same ilk as the Magicians which lasted for many many seasons on the SciFi channel. And also the Order also on Netflix which lasted 2 seasons. And of course like those other series, there was no shortage of teenage angst and romance and relationships, with adults and with each other. This particular one seemed even younger than the other 2 series, made about high school kids really. As in freshman high school kids. What catches my attention about these kinds of series? About internal powers that need to be developed? How about a series about a guy who's had powers all along but does not really get to discover them and make full use of them until he's almost 60 years old?! Gee who could that be? Hey there's still drama, there's still relationships and this time, it is the guy who is the adult who may be dealing with kids of his own. Anyway I didn't stay up until late tonight, and that's because I needed to be at Lisa's at 7:15 tomorrow morning to pick up Johnnie since she has a patient at 7:30. Reality always gets in your face doesn't it LOL. But hey the short work week is over and now I look forward to the weekend...
The day after Tech Council Meeting is almost always a breathe out kind of day. Almost a tank day really. So why do I have 3 meetings lined up today? There's the usual IS Team Meeting, which happens every Thursday, and of course the 3 PM Huddle, also happening every Thursday. But before that I set a meeting with Dr Liao our CMO because he apparently needs me to reach out to him to talk about his reports rather than reaching out to me himself like everyone else does. That's fine. I'll do the work. And that is what made today busier than usual really, the focus on data reports. I'm trying to push against the narrative that people aren't getting reports just because Lam isn't here anymore. There's plenty of data all over the place and if dashboards aren't refreshed, a simple helpdesk ticket fixes it. And so really I'm not that worried about it but it WAS a point of focus nevertheless. Instead of just having a quiet Thursday day focusing on Johnnie's classes instead. Today in fact they even had a play date right after the 12 PM class just so the kids can have time with themselves without the structure of a class. I think it's a good idea really and I'm glad the school thinks of stuff like this. With January almost done, it's pretty clear that the school year is pretty much going to be all virtual all year this year, even IF all the teachers get their vaccinations done in the next month or so. That's because the kids won't get vaccinated. There isn't even a vaccine for them anyway. And even if those get rolled out, those won't happen until close to spring. It does look promising to get to most of the people by summer so maybe fall can start to look normal again. And so there IS hope. We all just have to be patient and trust in the process is all. Even if the process looks not-so-good.
After the 3 PM meeting though, I finally put myself in BREATHE OUT mode. And I deemed the week mostly done from a work standpoint anyway. And by then I was down to appreciating the time left with Johnnie until Lisa picks him up later after her shift is done. I watched him do his karate lessons and I must say he HAS picked up moves very well. AND he is taking the drills seriously. The rest of the night we just focused on cleaning up. He put up his usual massive dinosaur museum in the living room. So much so it usually takes at least 10 minutes to put everything away. And then of course there was the jaunt to Panda Express Westwood to get his dinner. One month into winter it's already starting to be not as dark at 5 PM. And it's not that cold either although that is apparently going to change by the weekend. In the end I got a text from Lisa letting me know she was already home and in the middle of finishing up a nice short nap. See? what did I tell you? Never the same on any given Thursday and that is not meant as a complaint. I was happy to drop Johnnie off at 7:30 at her house. At least THAT is predictable. And I had plenty of time to go home and watch the post-game of the Lakers-Bucks game. An NBA heavyweight match-up to be sure. And the Lakers won this one almost wire-to-wire after the first quarter. They aRE a different team from last year. And I think they are a better one! They have so many shooters now, it's actually more fun to watch. Near the end of the evening I even goaded myself into cleaning up the living room. Not the usual sweep-and-mop, just sweep thanks. And that was enough. And then I went to bed by 11 PM. The short week is just about over...
Finally today is the day, the day we take the TRASH out of the White House. The official day of inauguration for new President Joe Biden. Those of us Trump haters are elated and victorious and quite frankly RELIEVED that we may at least get some sense of normalcy and competence. Those in the minority and particularly those extremists who have believed and promoted all of Trump's lies are basically aghast. Some still believe that Biden would be arrested right there on the Capitol steps. Incredible that they would think that. More incredible that there is a lot of people who do. I mean I get that they would be against the Democrats as strongly as I would be against conservatives. But to fall for his shit? You would almost feel sorry for them. And so we, the country moves on, and I must say there is a sense of joy and light heartedness even that hasn't been felt in the past few years. Just check out Biden's inaugural performers... a veritable cavalcade of A-listers. And my favorite? The New Romantics "You Get What You Give", one of Johnnie's favorites from my car playlist! THey even made the inauguration. Very. Very. Cool. I tried to keep up with the festivities, virtual though they were and I made it to almost 10 AM when I finally had to start my slate of meetings for the day...
So I had an OCHIN meeting at 10 and then a meeting with Eloisa right after. That last one had me nervous... but then again any meeting with her always used to make me nervous. And always ended up with me feeling pretty good about the job I am doing. The anxiety always comes from feeling insecurity and self-doubt. And I took care of that already first thing this morning with some very nice meditation. And at the end of the meeting, which was all about discussing data requirements by Dr Liao and the Clinical team, everything seemed ok. Except for one piece of news. It would seem that my reporting structure is being changed again. Now I'm being moved to report to Dennis our VP of Finance. Back to that department eh? I used to report to Gary Grubbs a while ago. As in 2015. Wow has it been that long. I didn't really have any feelings one way or the other to be honest. I think I'm confident enough that whoever is in charge that I report to would easily see that they should just leave me be to do my job and I will do an EXEMPLARY job. I always do. I provide massive value. That will always be true. And I will hold myself to that. In the meantime, there was the Tech Council Meeting in the afternoon and I had enough material to make it to 50 minutes and then the talk afterwards carried it to the entire hour. I think it was all in all pretty good though. One more Tech Council Meeting in the books and as usual, right after I breathed my sigh of relief that it was all done. Hopefully I could relax through the end of the week. Or at the very least catch up on sleep tonight. In the meantime it's still mid-week, it's still a full day with Johnnie and today he's making artwork to reflect even the Presidential Inauguration. I was pretty drained after my Tech Council, which roughly coincided with the time his energy level got jacked up again. Thank God I have karate class to fall back on and it has gotten quite harder even with the exercises. I see him HAVING to take a water break now just to catch up. Of course, within minutes after he's back to his energy bundled self. It IS Wednesday however so it is Panda Express Westwood night and here we were at dusk lining up to get our dinner. I remind myself that it IS a short week and although I have 3 more meetings lined up tomorrow, the urgency is no longer there. And so I could go home and peruse YouTube for all the things I missed with the inauguration especially the fireworks festivities at the White House. I am really looking forward to a sense of not-crazy. I think we're all tired of Trump's drama quite frankly although he is not likely to go hide under a rock either. And so half the week is done and I could already feel myself feeling drained by dinner time. It's ok. I'm in bed by 9:30 same as Johnnie. And it was his light breathing that put me to sleep. Very quickly.
It's a short week this week, considering the off-day yesterday. But it's also Tech Council Meeting week, which means it's going to be a pretty busy first part of the week. And it got busier by mid-day as now my boss Eloisa is needing to meet with me regarding Data needs. Specifically clinical data needs. That would be Dr Liao of course who doesn't really reach out to me. Everyone else pretty much yags on my chain at their whim. Not him. So therein might already lie the answer. Doctors... roll my eyes. And of course I am much more focused on Johnnie's classes and his schoolwork this morning, with a particular emphasis on Social Studies since it is the day before the inauguration of Joe Biden as the next President of the United States. I had to laugh when one of the kids mentioned Trump playing golf. I have no comments whatsoever. So I had my usual Tuesday morning meeting with my crew and then I had to get on my Tech Council presentation for tomorrow. At least I got the meeting minutes done last night. But I still had to catch up. The thing that helps me feel reassured is that I ALWAYS without exception get this thing done although I wanted to do it without staying up until the wee hours in the morning to finish. In the meantime, I posted a couple of pictures of Johnnie today because frankly, it IS what is helping me keep my sanity. How can you not feel glad when you hear him sing the Winnie the Pooh and Tigger too song. He put such an effort into writing out the song first and then actually singing it. And so I did make sure he had all his homework assignments and classwork all done before lunchtime. By mid-afternoon, I had a huge chunk of my presentation all done and I will admit I was basically trying to pad the thing so I had an hour's worth of material. By that time I still managed to be way ahead of my steps routine and so I let Johnnie burn up his immense amount of energy with his karate class. I'll admit he's picking it up pretty nicely and he's actually learning to kick and hit with some force. So much so I'm now repeating that he needs to use it for self-defense ONLY. At the end of the day I still had to stay up until well past midnight to finish my presentation. But only because I kept distracting myself with a bunch of things. "What's going on with the Presidential inauguration tomorrow?" "Are Trump's idiot supporters going to come up with more disruptive shit?" He's clearly being his usual asshole self with respect to leaving the White House and he's been so unpredictable you never know what he's plotting. You KNOW he's plotting something. He's incapable of accepting he lost the election. But enough of him, tomorrow hopefully his spell of holding the entire nation in his attention grip will finally start fading. Or so we hope, most of us anyway. I did want to continue some momentum towards my internal work and towards that end, at least I was able to do some nice meditation this morning when I first woke up. I think the key is follow-up and actually paying attention to messages the Universe has for me. Hard to hear these messages when I allow myself to be distracted, or I allow myself to give in to negative feelings that feed my anxiety, impatience that feeds my irritability. Hey if I work on those negative feelings alone it would be an even more productive day indeed. As it were, I deemed myself ready for tomorrow's meeting and I deemed myself ok to deal with whatever is coming up in terms of Data. I think it's just me feeding into my own feelings of inadequacy about that. I just need to put just a little bit more effort into making sure eveyone knows all this data is already available. It was 1 AM by the time I crawled into bed and fell asleep. I guess I don't get 6+ hours of sleep tomorrow. And that's ok. I'll catch up after tomorrow...
I woke up this morning with sort of a mantra in my head. I Thank You for the weekend. I thank you that I don't have to work today. And then I did a meditation right in bed before I ever got up from it, the one with my own affirmations about WEALTH with the Alpha waves backdrop. And I did that for an entire hour. The first time I did that. Even before I got started with anything else. Since I had the day off today I got clarity on my intentions: I wanted to get momentum on any one of the things I had started to delve into over the weekend. It could be learning more about the stock market trading... after all I need to do something with my money. It could be the Bradley Nelson Emotional Code videos... as I needed to continue to work on clearing out blockages to the outcomes I want. The more I did meditation, the more it is clear that I do still need to work on clearing these blockages, and clearing them on a daily basis. What ended up happening was that I got into my old A-HA journal that I had started way back in 2005. What I discovered was that the material I am trying to master now, is the same material from back then... even down to the author. I found an article from Teal Scott in 2012. The significance? I still listen to her videos today, only today she is known as Teal Swan. So what do I need to do? Work on consistency, on routine. on habits. I put that material together. But I never acted on them in a consistent, significant way. THAT is what I must do in order to break through. THAT and to work on my confidence and to strengthen my own beliefs. By the time I got through all those articles, I had barely finished breakfast and I was still in my pajamas. And it was already 11 AM! Wow does time fly by?! And so I needed to get myself kickstarted with my exercises too, reminding myself that Mondays are now usually my heavy exercise day. And so I took a walk before lunch... just around the neighborhood. It had warmed up considerably too, just like yesterday. It had to be 80 degrees when I took my walk. At least I got the first block of 5000 steps all done, all before I did lunch. I still INTENDED to do 14,000 steps today. Why not? I did it the last 3 Mondays didn't I?
By the time I got back I made myself a shrimp salad for lunch and then threw in a tuna sandwich too. I mean I did just walk almost 3 miles right? And then right after lunch I finally did catch up on the afternoon nap that I had been trying for the last 2 afternoons. And this time Fitbit recorded me having a full hour. NOW I'm refreshed. Now I could go back to doing some of that internal work. I mean what am I supposed to do moving forward? Be even more cognizant of my time? I mean I get Johnnie again starting tonight right? And actually, right now MrDistraction rears its head yet again. I was so irritated when I felt the back of my head and my unruly hair that I sheared it off right then and there in the bathroom. I needed a haircut badly. And so I gave myself one. Actually it wasn't bad at all. Except that by the time I got THAT done and gotten the bathroom all cleaned up it was already almost 4 PM! W-h-a-t? Where did the day go? I immediately got back to doing aerobics in my living room with my exercise playlist. And I did not stop until I was at 12000 steps. And it was already 5 PM! Yep, I'm going to get to 14000 steps tonight damnit. And I got 100 active hours in already. And over an hour cardio minutes. I sure got my exercise in alright. By the time I picked up Johnnie it was like last week at Lisa's. Same old dinosaur parade museum still out, needing to be cleaned up. Still with the feeding of the gecko. I don't understand why Lisa can't get all this stuff done before I get there. I mean I've only been picking him up at 5:30 for more than a year. And Lisa knows by now how much a stickler I am for routine. But I also reminded myself that everything I experience is something I can control, or at least the reactions to the experience I myself chose, either consciously or other-than-consciously. And so I chose NOT to experience any irritation at the situation, just to get on with it and help Johnnie clean up. And we were home by 6:10. At least she fed him dinner already. Gotta be thankful for that. It is not always a given. And I made a stop at Chipotle to get myself a steak-and-rice dinner. It's all good. Only when i got home did I think of doing something work-related. It's TEch Council Meeting week after all. I have stuff to do. Boy this day went by in a hurry didn't it?!
My autopilot self got up from the couch at 7:15 AM this morning threw on my blue shorts anticipating that it was going to be a warm day and headed out the door by 7:30 not really even fully awake. I had uneven sleep last night and I knew this because I didn't feel rested when I woke up. Or maybe it's simply because I WAS on autopilot. Autopilot me went to get Earl Grey hot tea and a breakfast sandwich from Starbucks and made my way to Altadena Golf Course by 8:05 AM. I had reminded myself of two things this morning (1) to remember to slow down my swing (2) remember to visualize a good outcome with my shot. I think I should have redone the 2nd reminder to something more broader... as in visualize afterwards feeling satisfied that I had a good game. But that insight came too late. In the meantime my enjoy-the-moment came right on the first tee as we were about to tee off. We were serenaded by this little bird seemingly watching us from the chain link fence right next to the tee box. Something to be grateful for already. Regardless of how my golf game went today. A good thing too because the golf game... well, let's just say that the late insight came BECAUSE. At least I did a little better than last week but that's because last week's game was just plain putrid. Today I at least had some really nice shots off the tee. But I never did make the right adjustments on my irons from the fairway. And from the tee for that matter. I was always yanking it way left or hitting it short. Whatever it was I did not let the shot find me and instead let my monkey mind continue with its program of mediocre play. Hole 1 - great shot off the tee, short from the fairway and left, missed the putt finished with a 6. Hole 2 - great shot off the tee, shanked from the fairway, 2 short irons, missed the putt, finished with a 6. Hole 3 - decent shot off the tee, 2nd shot well short and left AGAIN, 3-putted for another 6. See the pattern? I never did hit a par today and that continues my streak for another week of no pars. Oh well, at least it was another nice day out today and it actually got so warm I was sweating by the time we got done. And I got to play with Scott and Greg again, now becoming a weekly social interaction for me during these times of isolation and staying at home mostly.
On the way home I made a pit stop at Ralphs, because I was craving some fresh-squeezed juice and decided that instead of getting salmon kabobs and rice at Crimson and pay $20, I'd get salmon right there at Ralphs and eat the leftover rice from last night and pay $5 LOL. And so it was that I had some nice grilled salmon for lunch (see picture) that I cooked myself. And made myself some fried rice to boot. I was all set to simply have lunch and take my afternoon nap. Except that my mind seemed more restless than usual. And although I did lie down, I don't think I got full sleep. At least Fitbit didn't think so although I think I was at Alpha or near-Theta at least for a good half hour. I didn't really push myself to do much of anything for the afternoon, since tomorrow I have the day off for MLK holiday. I did find my way to going through a bunch of stock trading videos all over YouTube and I just let myself run with that. After all, I do feel like I need to at least put my stockpile of money into something so that it will grow just like my 403B did. And I won't be able to hit a high growth and high profit activity if I let my money sit on the sidelines wouldn't i? First I need to shake off a little fear residue. Then get myself in the game. I couldn't help but think it is a lot like my golf. Although to be clear, to get really better at golf, I have to be playing it more than the once a week on Sunday that I already do. That sort of came out as a revelation too. And so I need to practice at stock trading as well. Stuff to do. For dinner I made myself some nice beef stew, and did it differently than I would usually do. I used sweet potato and I made myself some biscuits as well. Mmmm. A fine fine dinner that made. And I threw on some Teddy Pendergrass, some old school R&B on Alexa. Hmm.. what is my insides leading me to? Some female companionship who would appreciate such things perhaps. Smiles. I mean couldn't very be all alone forever right? Stuff to do.
Maybe it was because I stayed up until almost 1:30 in the morning watching stuff. <Why do I do that? It's like an addiction isn't it?> And so I knew that I would be tired when I woke up this morning. And that's how I found myself at Lisa's door at 8 AM, yawning and still not 100% awake. My son on the other hand was already his bouncy, energetic self when he opened the door. He KNEW I was coming for him. Of course Lisa was still in bed herself. And so I put on some water to boil on the stove for hot tea. And when Lisa got herself ready, of course I would be the one to fix our eggs for breakfast. Lisa was so out of it that she ended up cracking some eggs on her pan too instead of making Johnnie's pancakes like she planned to do. And so it was that this morning, Johnnie got some scrambled eggs and pancakes, I got a spinach and cheese omelette and had some of Johnnie's pancakes, and Lisa got eggs sunny side up with a side of spinach too. We each had different breakfasts and actually that turned out pretty good! Johnnie and I were out the door by 9:30 and back at my apartment shortly thereafter. And since I knew Johnnie didn't shower last night, I gave him one when we got to my place. I told Lisa we'd go to Target but honestly I was tired still. I just wanted to chill on the couch. And if Johnnie has to watch his Winnie the Pooh videos for hours until Lisa picks him up after lunch, then so be it. Just look at the pic of dad and Johnnie just chilling on the couch. What a way to spend Saturday huh? Johnnie sure wasn't complaining. I think he would just as soon chill out himself. Of course he wouldn't be totally docile the entire time. That wouldn't be Johnnie. Of course he would still find a way to do his horseplay and stuff and honestly, he's starting to hurt me a little. Wait until he really grows up huh?! Anyway this being a Saturday we of course had to make it out to Panda Express to get his lunch. And I just wanted to eat my leftover beef and pork meatballs from yesterday's lunch. When we ventured out, I noticed one thing immediately... it had gotten downright warm out. As in early summer warm. See us in shorts and shirt as if it were mid-May instead of mid-January. We're right in front of Panda Express Sawtelle in the picture. Today Lisa did not waste time coming to pick Johnnie up. She called by 1:30 and she was over before 2 PM. They had errands to run at her office. For me that was it in terms of seeing Johnnie for the weekend and that was more than sufficient and fair. I actually simply wanted to take a nap this afternoon to be honest. And then maybe clean up around the apartment again. I didn't end up having a good nap... there were too many thoughts in my head apparently. Not even some binaural beats helped. But that's ok. As I said I was too tired to do much of anything anyway. I should have tried to do some of those training sessions that are piling up again from the past week. The stuff from the Emotion Code and the Body Code (Bradley Nelson), heck the Jose Silva stuff I downloaded that I haven't even touched for weeks now. What I really wanted to do was work on my subconscious programming and clear out blocks to the outcomes that I want once and for all. What I ended up doing was just a little bit everything that ended up distracting me from doing that. There was the LA Rams NFC play-off game (they would end up being blown out by the Packers in the 4th Quarter... oh well. no trifecta with the Rams). There was the matter of doing my steps... as I had barely gotten 2000 in by the time I got up from my nap. There was the cleaning up of my apartment and I forced myself to at least do the living room. Specially where Johnnie tends to play. I at least had to scrub that part of the floor didn't I? And then dinner? What to do for dinner? See now how I distract myself so easily? Should I do Thai food like last week? At the end of it all, I decided simply to eat what I had in the fridge... which ended up being the Cuban chicken bowl I got from Trader Joe's. And wouldn't you know it turned out to be really REALLY GOOD! So much for doing any of the trainings. I ended up watching another of the movies I downloaded a couple of days ago.. this time the movie LOCKDOWN with Chiwetel Ejiofor and Anne Hathaway. Has SHE gotten a older since her Princess Diaries days hasn't she? In the end, although the movie was ok, it was just that. Ok. And I ended up re-watching last night's NEWS OF THE WORLD movie which tugged at me far harder. Tonight the theme continued from today which simply was ENJOY YOUR DOWNTIME. It's golf Sunday tomorrow and I am NOT going to stay up until 1 AM for 2 nights in a row this time. This time I literally forced myself to sleep before 11:30 PM and even that was late already!
I had not been at the FRB in quite a while, not that I had a reason to be. I did need to dig up that TPx contract though and I was sure it was in my desk lower left drawer. And I had not been able to get anyone to fish it out from there for me. And so I decided to go myself today. I would have gone first thing in the morning had I not had a meeting mid-morning regarding the implementation of COVID vaccinations in our clinic sooner rather than later. And sooner really means early February. A couple of weeks. And so we're sort of on scramble mode yet again to make sure that we're ready for this. And so by the time I got done with THAT meeting it was already close to noon. I just thought I'd go there after lunch. And mind you it was not lost on me that I had already accomplished quite a bit this Friday. No tank day for me. Driving down there at 1 pm on a Friday is already not like it used to be. Oh there's still traffic to be sure. But not the bumper-to-bumper kind. I got there in about 25 minutes and was inside the FRB parking lot before 1:30 PM. Talk about a huge case of deja vu. I had not parked in that lot since March 2020. Still it felt like I was just driving back from taking a long lunch. I imagined that we had just taken a tank Friday since it was such a beautiful day out and had one of our adventure lunches. And in fact, Faith was there at the office as she usually is every other Friday. What struck me immediately was how empty the place was. Not just our suite. The entire FRB didn't have that many people other than the guards. I hadn't seen these guys since March too. All in all, it was like I was on a looting run. And that's because I couldn't find the contract. Turned out my memory betrayed me. It wasn't where I thought it would be. But it was in C360 when I checked. I didn't have to come down here after all. And so while I was here, might as well take a stapler, a 128 G USB drive, and oh.. is that my old Lakers T-shirt in one of my drawers? Sure was. I left it there during days I would run or use the gym. That ain't happening anymore so I just packed it up to take home. And so just like that I went right on home, satisfied that I did my retro trip to the past today.
And so with that I readied for my Friday nite activity, which tonight consisted of dinner with Lisa and Johnnie and then me watching Johnnie for a bit so Lisa could practice. I was happy to do that of course since I had really nothing better to do although I did have TWO brand new movies freshly downloaded and on tap to watch sometime this weekend. I also reminded myself that this, in fact, was a 3 day weekend since we do have the MLK holiday day off on Monday. So next week is a short week to boot. And so this afternoon, prep meant grilling up a pound of tri-tip steak for dinner tonight at Lisa's. She asked me to bring protein. What better protein than this?! And then later on when I did get there, it would appear that Lisa wanted me to prepare dinner anyway. Why doesn't she just ask me these things? Then it isn't such a surprise. I prefer it even. And even better when she simply went to practice and left me alone in the kitchen! That meant that the Armenian rice would turn out just right, the green beans and onions would too because I am now free to do those things that I do when I'm alone in the kitchen unhampered by Lisa's watching eyes. And of course, the steak was already terrific. All I had to do really was heat up Johnnie's chicken noodle soup and we're good to go. Of course it wouldn't be enough... not if Lisa didn't feed him lunch earlier smh. Still, since I fixed it, this would turn out to be one of the best meals I've had here. And then right afterwards, Lisa retired to the piano room and Johnnie and I could do our dad-son horseplay. Which really is all we did the rest of the evening. I had already logged in 10,000+ miles by this time and so getting another 1000 was already a cinch. Lisa got done practicing by 8:30 PM and then proceeded to invite me for breakfast tomorrow morning so I could pick Johnnie up and leave her alone for her lesson. That would be PERFECT! That would mean I get to see Johnnie unscheduled for Friday AND Saturday. And so I went on home and I still had plenty of time to watch a movie. I selected NEWS OF THE WORLD with Tom Hanks. And you know, something about that movie tugged at me. Something about an orphaned girl, left by herself in the world and then finding a good man with his heart in the right place to be her protector and later be her guardian and they ended up becoming a family. Why would that not tug at you? And so Friday trip down the FRB memory LANE is in the books. And the 3-day weekend is here.
It's a short week this week, considering the off-day yesterday. But it's also Tech Council Meeting week, which means it's going to be a pretty busy first part of the week. And it got busier by mid-day as now my boss Eloisa is needing to meet with me regarding Data needs. Specifically clinical data needs. That would be Dr Liao of course who doesn't really reach out to me. Everyone else pretty much yags on my chain at their whim. Not him. So therein might already lie the answer. Doctors... roll my eyes. And of course I am much more focused on Johnnie's classes and his schoolwork this morning, with a particular emphasis on Social Studies since it is the day before the inauguration of Joe Biden as the next President of the United States. I had to laugh when one of the kids mentioned Trump playing golf. I have no comments whatsoever. So I had my usual Tuesday morning meeting with my crew and then I had to get on my Tech Council presentation for tomorrow. At least I got the meeting minutes done last night. But I still had to catch up. The thing that helps me feel reassured is that I ALWAYS without exception get this thing done although I wanted to do it without staying up until the wee hours in the morning to finish. In the meantime, I posted a couple of pictures of Johnnie today because frankly, it IS what is helping me keep my sanity. How can you not feel glad when you hear him sing the Winnie the Pooh and Tigger too song. He put such an effort into writing out the song first and then actually singing it. And so I did make sure he had all his homework assignments and classwork all done before lunchtime. By mid-afternoon, I had a huge chunk of my presentation all done and I will admit I was basically trying to pad the thing so I had an hour's worth of material. By that time I still managed to be way ahead of my steps routine and so I let Johnnie burn up his immense amount of energy with his karate class. I'll admit he's picking it up pretty nicely and he's actually learning to kick and hit with some force. So much so I'm now repeating that he needs to use it for self-defense ONLY. At the end of the day I still had to stay up until well past midnight to finish my presentation. But only because I kept distracting myself with a bunch of things. "What's going on with the Presidential inauguration tomorrow?" "Are Trump's idiot supporters going to come up with more disruptive shit?" He's clearly being his usual asshole self with respect to leaving the White House and he's been so unpredictable you never know what he's plotting. You KNOW he's plotting something. He's incapable of accepting he lost the election. But enough of him, tomorrow hopefully his spell of holding the entire nation in his attention grip will finally start fading. Or so we hope, most of us anyway. I did want to continue some momentum towards my internal work and towards that end, at least I was able to do some nice meditation this morning when I first woke up. I think the key is follow-up and actually paying attention to messages the Universe has for me. Hard to hear these messages when I allow myself to be distracted, or I allow myself to give in to negative feelings that feed my anxiety, impatience that feeds my irritability. Hey if I work on those negative feelings alone it would be an even more productive day indeed. As it were, I deemed myself ready for tomorrow's meeting and I deemed myself ok to deal with whatever is coming up in terms of Data. I think it's just me feeding into my own feelings of inadequacy about that. I just need to put just a little bit more effort into making sure eveyone knows all this data is already available. It was 1 AM by the time I crawled into bed and fell asleep. I guess I don't get 6+ hours of sleep tomorrow. And that's ok. I'll catch up after tomorrow...
