Like nothing happened

I was prepared to go the entire weekend all the way to Monday night that I won't see Johnnie. And I already resoved within myself that I'm simply going to be ok with that.  Who knows what she's thinking and feeling right about now. This being Saturday, it's actually a day to hang out with Johnnie for the monring. But I didn't count on that at all. Which is why I walked to McDonald's first thing to get my own breakfast. I've got lots to keep me busy anyway. Until I get a call of course from Lisa's phone. And of course it's Johnnie asking me when I'm going to pick him up.  Of course my son is going to keep the routine. The question was whether Lisa would let him. And in the background I could hear her telling him to ask me to bring chocolate chips for his pancakes. And to ask me if I wanted pancakes and eggs. Or just eggs. Like nothing ever happened right? She would always be that way after every single fight we had. I guess it's a narcissist thing. And she would always frame it like I was the bad guy. I need to be prepared to deal with that mentally and emotionally if I'm going over there this morning. And so I did some meditation, cleared my emotions and made sure I was calm and relaxed. When I get there true enough, Lisa is acting like nothing happened.  Of course she does. That's what she always does. I told her I already had breakfast and she said something to the effect of.. "but it's breakfast morning" and proceeded to make me bacon and eggs anyway. And asked me to help make OJ. Like nothing happened.  And so it was that we did have a sit-down breakfast like a typical Saturday morning. And so it was that she finally addressed it but not quite directly. In fact, it was almost like an oh-by-the-way kind of thing. She even pulled me to one side and said "you know Johnnie says you're not nice to me sometimes".  I know Johnnie wouldn't say that. But I went along anyway. It was like this is how she perceives the information and somehow it is twisted around in her own mind.  I know this because the very first thing that I asked Johnnie when we drove off was if she thought I was mean to mommy. What does he way... he said he told his mommy that she was being mean to ME. That was about last Thursday.  Of course narcissist Lisa had already worked it out in her head that she is the victim. And that I need to change MY behavior. SMH. Just Lisa being Lisa. It's all I can say that would make it semi-ok. Because you can't change the perception of a narcissist. It's almost like a personality disorder. Nothing you can do. Just something you need to manage within yourself. 

At least Johnnie and I DID get to spend the morning together. Look at my little monkey making like a lizard in my living room. He cracks me up that little boy of mine. AND I even went to the grocery store. Multiple ones mind you to buy Lisa some groceries. I end up messing up of course because I had no idea what cashew yogurt was and so I got her yogurt AND cashews. But at this point effort should count. Oh wait it doesn't. Not with narcissists. smh. Still like nothing ever happened. Johnnie and I ended up going to Mitsuwa grocery, and then Ralphs, and then Trader Joe's. And since we were already on Olympic, might as well make a stop at Panda Express for Johnie's lunch. It was already 11:30 AM anyway. I killed time by getting my own lunch at Carls' Jr. Had been a while since I had the Beyond Western bacon cheeseburger anyway. ANd throw in some onion rings with those please. As it was I let Johnnie watch his usual Wild Kratts and then dropped him off by 1 PM. I gave Lisa 3 hours to herself this morning at least. And then I took off, headed for my nap. In the end it ended up being a quite rest of my Saturday. And it turned out to be quite the sports Saturday at that.  Watched UCLA football start its season by walloping Hawaii 44-10. Do I allow myself some semblance of hope for UCLA football this season? Could they actually have a good season? And then I watched the Dodgers beat Colorado. And then the Rams were actually playing a preseason game too. We're at that time of year when baseball is started to gear up towards the end or its season and the playoffs, the college football season is starting and so is the NFL in a couple of weeks. Yep, fall is just around the corner. Tonight I made myself a pizza like last week. Boboli crust, made it myself with pepperoni and pineapple. Was very very good. And still did some more meditation. I am not recovered from Thursday. At least with the "it's just Lisa being Lisa, dumbass" (meaning I'M the dumbass for letting it affect me and expecting HER to be different) method to deal with it, it's going to be ok. I'm going to be ok.