Johnnie Lessons

After yesterday's Tech Council Meeting, today was supposed to be another breathe out day. Had we been still working at the FRB downtown, I'd be sauntering in around 9:30 then getting a leisurely breakfast only waiting for 11:30 AM when I'd then walk over to the CCALAC building 15 blocks away to do the HIT Roundtable Meeting from 12 - 2 PM. And then cakewalk the rest of the day thereafter. Alas those days are no more sad to say and we will probably not see those days again, now that we have another Covid variant on the loose for the near future. But there is still the HIT Roundtable Meeting and as it were today, it would be the last of 3 I was doing for the morning. So there's the morning Johnnie drop-off, then the IS Team Meeting, then the one-on-one with Dennis my direct boss, and THEN the HIT Roundtable. Needless to say with all that going on, it wasn't the leisurely day-after-Tech-Council day that it once was. But all the activity did make the morning go quickly. And then I spent lunch time grilling some pork chops while simultaneously getting my steps done... all that before the HIT Roundtable Meeting at noon. That meeting was notable only because my former co-chair Roman Chapa attended and spoke about the ransomware attack that hit their health center. There's nothing more powerful about hearing about such boring things than actually hearing the experience from TWO of my peers describing the event as the WORST days of their lives. Wow. Made for an interesting meeting anyway, if not for another few minutes of blathering babbling from San Kim yet again. That guy just loves to hear himself talk I guess. Anyway the thing was done by 2 PM and then I did the LAST thing I had to do today for work... which was forward supporting documentation for a $200K+ grant that we applied for. Wouldn't it be cool if we got THAT! Very different from the past when I would casually kill time by going to Macy's on 7th on my way back to the FRB LOL LOL. At least I got a half hour nap in after I got my work done, that's notable :) 

And then off I went to pick up Johnnie. When he came to the gate he was limping. I was annoyed only because he started doing that we he came to my field of vision. He wasn't limping when I saw him playing with the other kids and he didn't know I was watching. And when he kept complaining on our drive back, I yanked his shoe off in frustration. Same shoe that caused a blister in his heel. Same shoe I just bought this past weekend that is probably too small for his foot. And that I insisted he wear today. Tsk tsk smh. All my fault. And here I am getting irritated. I stayed that way too for the bulk of the evening and I don't even know for sure why. And that came to a head later on after dinner. Right when we were about ready for the Lisa hand-off at 7:30 PM. Johnnie's favorite thing sometimes is to rough-house with me and it used to be fun for me even. But he has grown bigger now and those kicks and scratches that I used to laugh off, now hurt. And in particular, one of his kicks hit my knee in such a way that it hurt pretty hard for a few seconds and which made me see red. That was after I told him to pull back a little. Of course Johnnie doesn't know how to control his own strength just yet and that request didn't mean much. THe problem was it got me angry and I snapped. I grabbed both of his hands and smacked them really REALLY hard. ANd so of course it hurt HIM. And he started to cry. That laughing face I posted transformed into one that didn't want to come near me because he was afraid I'd hit him again. THAT always snaps my pattern and instantaneously made me remorseful that I ever hit him. I had to spend the next 10 minutes calming him down and apologizing and explaining why I acted that way.  At that instant I remembered LeBron James' line from Space Jam 2. I'm trying to be a good dad. You're teaching me son. Isn't THAT the truth! IT is ME that needs to learn control don't I? It is ME that needs to guide my child. Fortunately I did manage to get him back to his usual self by the time Lisa came by. I gave him a big hug goodbye in the back of Lisa's truck and off mom and son went with the dog. Off I went too to finish my steps for the evening. Thank you for the lesson my son. And once again I'm sorry I got angry.