Why Does Johnnie Get The Day Off and I don't?

So today is Tuesday, the return to work day for most of us, and for me a return after 4 days off. Not all of us go back to routine today though. Johnnie still has today off for Rosh Hashanna. Cool that they celebrate a Jewish holiday. For me one more day to keep him occupied with learning stuff until he does go back to school tomorrow. Still having had all that time off, today is catch-up day for me. And by 7:30 AM, just as soon as I had sat Johnnie down in front of his McDonald's breakfast, I was already knocking off emails, reading what was important, and of course doing all these approvals that are a normal part of my routine. Invoice approvals. Purchase approvals. There's Gloria bugging about doing training live for one of the EHR support staff. What is it about being stuck in how you do things people can't see that it actually is very inefficient . I feel sorry for her though. Her department is one of the most embattled ones in the whole organization and I, for one, don't know exactly how I would fix it. Actually, yes I would. I would outsource the whole damn thing LOL. The thing that I did today though that broke routine was that I logged on to E*Trade and finally finally finally placed a trade! Two of them in fact. WIth the $6000 IRA account. Bought some QYLD and CLM. Let's see what the dividends are like. This is big in that I've only been trying to get off the sideline for a really long time, so much so I was thinking it was mental. This pushes me through I hope. With that said, I wade through my morning, and immediately have to do a 9 AM meeting with Barbara and the Vermont Development team for the new space. Nothing like seeing the old guard first to get a whiff of how things used to be LOL. And of course that meeting had to go on for a while and seemed headed for more than an hour but a couple of us had other meetings to go to. I think Barbara just isn't one of those people that think you can get enough accomplished in an hour I guess. I am on the opposite camp of course LOL. Heck my team meetings don't even go a half hour. But of course Barbara is in control of this one and so we do what she says. In the meantime, I catch up with my own team and try to work out priorities for the week. Doesn't seem like there's a whole lot going on and that's a good thing. I for one am feeling a little tired today. Maybe it was all those steps yesterday but how could that be if that was the routine and has been all year? I'm actually thinking I'm getting a dose of anxiety. I say this because I notice the old tenseness in my body. Telltale signs that there is something going on in my head rather than my body. My upper neck and shoulders are stiff. And still I pushed on, making sure I got to 11,000+ steps and at least 60 active minutes. I got there with heavy doses of frequency and binaural beats I kept stopping to try to get my body and really my mind to equilibrium.

So at least Johnnie and I had a nice homemade pizza for lunch. Boboli crust, pepperoni on his side, sausage and pineapple on mine. I must say I don't think Domino's could have done better themselves. And then I also made sure Johnnie did some reading and writing exercises and double digit math exercises. He might have gotten the day off from school. But he did not get the day off from me. After all, I still had to work right? Not that I was such a slave driver. Mid-afternoon we went out and played baseball. I mean the kid hit some shots of pitches I didn't just lob to him. I pitched to him and he hit them. Granted the ball was not regulation baseball. But if it were, he'd have broken something by now. Anyway he did have a pretty leisurely afternoon. And how can I complain when I'm pitching soft lobs to him and it's not even 4 PM yet? I reminded myself it was just a week ago that I was holding Johnnie on my lap while they were taking blood from him and he was crying very loudly. Some memory. Right after the baseball we went to Panda Express Westwood to get his dinner. And mine too.  I had a feeling all the tension I was experiencing was related to stuff I was eating. That did not stop me from getting almond chicken over chow mein for dinner.  I never did shake the anxious feelings that were flitting around my head all day. Like "there is something physically wrong with me". Like "am i having a cardiac event?" Like "my heart feels like it's pounding. Why?" That is why I know I was having anxiety related issues. Mental stuff like that definitely leads to physical stuff and I have no doubt that had I had myself checked physically, I would have looked perfectly fine. I'm thinking it's probably something inside fighting to bubble to the surface, some belief system, some form of negativity trying to distract me. Maybe it was caused by me finally placing a trade this morning. Maybe all I have to do is tell that part of me that everything is under control. And maybe I should just watch it wail and moan and gnash its teeth. And let it go. I fell asleep soon after Johnnie did. But I had to play lots of tricks on my mind to do so. Interesting.