My Best Game In A While

I will cut to the chase right away... I hadn't played a good game of golf like I did today in a really long time. More than a year at least. It wasn't truly TRULY exceptional. I shot bogey golf. But I SHOT BOGEY GOLF! I had 3 pars: on Hole 2, Hole 4 and Hole 8. Heck I started the first hole with a bogey. And all my tee shots were hit well.. except for one notable exception. I yanked my tee shot on Hole 6 way left over the fence and onto the street, fortunately not hitting anything of consequence. I made that one a mulligan. But other than that, I had some nice tee shots going boy. My fairway shots may have been a bit off, but I putted much better than usual today. I was playing so well, Chris-who we hadn't played with in more than a month-said that we had that Freaky-Friday switcheroo thing going on with Greg and myself. He was the one that was maddeningly inconsistent today. I played more like he would and Greg played like ... my inconsistent self. Needless to say playing like I did today made me feel very VERY satisfied. I didn't have any blowup holes either. Now how did it come about that I played so much better today? I always thought that last week when I hit a par on the first tee, I was able to channel enough positive energy to have a good game. But I lost that energy because the foursome in front of us was taking their sweet time and I gave in to an old negative energy: impatience. Today I focused on trying to sustain that positive energy throughout the game and for the most part, I think I was successful doing that, at least for today. And then there were other positive things too. This was the first time our regular foursome had played in a while, and the first time at Penmar too. It was there at Penmar where we all met each other after all. And of course it was a very nice day out. It was my best golf day in a while and I'll take that any time.    

I tried to savor the golf game for as long as I could, and also knowing now what I needed to do mentally and emotionally if I were to apply the golf lessons towards manifestation. And I ended up grilling myself some salmon for lunch, kind of because I still had lots of rice and that cucumber salad from last night's fish fry dinner. I figured today I'd save $20 and eat in instead of going to Crimson to buy lunch. I should have taken a nap after lunch but for some reason I got caught up into watching some more of the FRINGE series which is the binge series of choice for the week.  Something about a few of the dynamics in that show keep my attention: the father-son dynamic, the idea of traveling through time and space yet again, and how little things grow bonds between people. It's like the mundane things, the everyday choices that lead to the biggest events that turn out to be life markers. I mean did anything Lisa and I were doing 15 years ago in 2006 would have given either of us pause to look forward to where we are today? Sometimes I have it in my mind that Lisa still wants us to spend more time together as a family. That thought is based on yesterday afternoon's movie event of course. But in the end I think we both know we are really better off the way things turned out now. I, for one, am totally focused on simply being the best dad that I can be. After golf this morning I almost stopped by Lisa's house just to say hi to Johnnie again. But I have seen him both Friday and yesterday and I just thought it best to just get some ME time and replenish for when I get Johnnie back for the week tomorrow night. After all there was no need to do any more steps after golf. I was already at 79000 for the week. I  just walked around a little bit to enjoy the warmth of the last day of February (see pic). Pretty soon we're going back to Daylight Savings again and it's going to start getting lighter much later again. I spent my Sunday night enjoying Thai food <pad see iw> and then watching the Season premiere of the Walking Dead. Maggie's back! Oh well, at least there's something to watch again on Sunday nights. Tonight it was time to say goodbye to February. Kind of uneventful... but kind of not. Hmmm...

Continuing the Variation of Routine

So the most recent off-work Saturday routine called for me to come to Lisa's to pick up Johnnie today and watch him at least through lunch time or when she finished her piano lesson. I showed up at Lisa's at 8:45 AM armed with donuts and a ham-and-cheese croissant from Primo's donuts. I figured I'd bring something different. When I got there the door was wide open and clearly something was up. Lisa would tell me that Johnnie had thrown up a couple of times last night but didn't have a fever. What? He was perfectly fine when I left at 9 PM. What could have happened, what could he have eaten between then and first thing this morning? Lisa didn't really know herself, but we knew Johnnie was getting rid of something. Maybe like the dog did that night we almost brought her to the Vet ER. I peeked in and Johnnie was asleep in the guest room. And Lisa was cleaning up and washing stuff Johnnie had thrown up on. Personally, I think Johnnie is merely reacting to LISA's emotional state and was trying to get rid of it.  The clear solution to me was that I needed to get Johnnie's emotional reserves replenished and so his physical condition would get back to balance. We let him sleep while Lisa and I had breakfast. Aren't I glad I brought the ham-and-cheese croissant NOW! Made myself some Earl Grey and voila: a perfectly decent breakfast. And so it was that Johnnie and I headed out to give Lisa her piano time. We went to Ralphs to pick up groceries, then we went to Mar Vista Park. Johnnie had it in his mind that he wanted to feed the birds. And so feed the birds we did. I thought it was a good idea to have him play outside and he seemed much better from where I saw him first this morning. So much so he asked for a snack. And I shifted right back to Saturday mode. And we went to Panda Express to get him his usual lunch. He wanted to eat it at my house too. And I was sure to get asked if he could watch Tigger and Pooh. But all of a sudden it seemed he got seemed to get nauseous again. And so I headed right back to Lisa's house. Lisa was still in the middle of her piano lesson. By now I was hungry too though. Aren't I glad I brought all the leftover spaghetti turkey bolognese I had in my house. And I proceeded to have lunch. Who knows when Lisa gets done with her lesson anyway. By 1:30 she finally emerged from the piano room and she announces that Vatche had an assignment for her. She's supposed to watch a classic Disney movie with Johnnie at least once a week. Gee, I wonder why I bought her that annual  subscription to Disney Plus!!?! Why is it she listens to other people at the snap of their fingers and  I had made the suggestion many moons previously?! Oh well, at least she now has an incentive to use the subscription. Johnnie finally ate his Panda Express and Lisa wolfed down the rest of my spaghetti. And then I tried to log in to Disney Plus so she would at least learn how to turn the damn thing on. In the process of doing so, I showed her she also could watch any movie on Amazon Prime which she has her own subscription to already.  And this is how we ended up watching Peanut Butter Falcon this afternoon. Yep, Peanut Butter Falcon.  If you'd tell me any time that I would be watching a movie in the middle of my Saturday afternoon with Lisa and JOhnnie and the movie would be Peanut Butter Falcon, I wouldn't have believed you. Don't get me wrong I've always liked the movie and I think Lisa liked it too actually.  Just that the chances of that happening was something that i  thought would be almost close to nil. But hey it happened, continuing the pattern of days being slightly different and off-routine all week long.  Anyway both mom and son needed to get some rest today I thought. And so I left them them watching Johnnie's Winnie the Pooh movie and I went on to MY Saturday ME time.  I went back to Ralphs and had them fry me some fish. And so I made some rice, and cucumber and tomato salad and I had myself a fish fry dinner. That too is something different and something I hadn't eaten in a long while. AND something I enjoyed. I didn't feel like doing much more of anything else this Saturday night. It had already been a really long day and like i said, it was already different than most Saturdays. But the pic I posted of Johnnie and I hanging out on Lisa's couch like we do most Saturdays? That would be plenty good enough for me.

A VERY Different Friday too

So if yesterday's Thursday was a tad different, today's Friday was certainly even more different. That's because Lisa asked me to watch Johnnie while she went to the doctor to get checked out about a possible urinary tract infection. I'm not going to get into how often she's been dealing with UTI over the years. All I had to do was watch Johnnie while he did his 9:25 class so Lisa could make her 10 AM appointment and then hang around until she came back... and she said she'd be back by 11 AM. That didn't seem to be too bad. And so I got breakfasted and showered early this morning, and dispensed with the lollygagging that I usually do on a Friday. Already this felt like a different Friday right off the bat. I brought my Chromebook just so I could have a meeting with the Helpdesk team about laptop issues. Always something isn't there? And while I was meeting right there from Lisa's dining room, Johnnie got done with his class and proceeded to make me some food! It was dried apricots, peanut butter and olive oil on a rice crisp. I was deeply stunned and amazed that he made this for me. Complete with a glass of water and a pad for the plate.  He must have thought I was hungry. I told him I'd save it until lunchtime, wondering how I was going to throw out this concoction without him seeing it. No way I'd break his heart after all that effort. It would turn out later that mommy would turn out a concoction not that much better LOL LOL. She came back from the doctor's by 11:15 and asked me if I'd like to have lunch with them. I told her I was on my way to one of our clinics in Echo Park but I had time for a quick bite. Lisa had it in her mind she was going to make Johnnie mac-and-cheese. But tried to cook it from scratch. See the pic of Johnnie grating cheese for this dish.  I applauded the effort once again. But she must have done something different because it was very very runny... except for the cheese which had clumped together. There was no denying it... this was a terrible dish LOL! Fortunately I also made myself a smoked salmon wrap. THAT was more like it. And THAT turned out pretty good.  We all had a nice team actually eating lunch outside on the front patio per Johnnie's request. How many times did we do this when we were all still a family living here together. I'll play along today.  I took off after lunch, stopping by Burger King for a fish sandwich. THAT was much better too. And really I should have taken a nap right then. After all I was supposed to come back to watch Johnnie again tonight so Lisa could practice piano the day before the Vatche lesson tomorrow.  But somehow I ended up working through the afternoon. Not only did I have reports I needed to run, Barbara kept sending chats about her computer blowing up. SIGH.  I even got on my own Helpdesk team for not responding quick enough.  If this Friday was already different, THAT underscored that point.  It was 4 PM by the time I looked up from whatever I was doing, too late to drive down and pick up stuff from Westlake North. So I just stuck around at home, walked to Ralphs, picked up some sirloin steak and grilled it to bring to Lisa's for dinner. This ensures me that I am going to eat something substantive for dinner tonight.  

When I got to Lisa's she was already on rant mode. She was going on and on about the new gardeners and how the costs of fixing the backyard was costing her something like $1000 a week. I could only shake my head and I told her straight out I am recusing myself from the discussion and even commenting because that was a HUGE pet peeve of mine. Her backyard looks like shit right now and is made up of mostly mud. Yes she didn't like the way I did it because I let the weeds grow. She hated the high cost of watering the lawn. But then again it was green and lush back then and I sure as shit wasn't going to spend not even close to $1000. For the entire damn thing. Yet I let her rant so she could find her way to her own solution. Which was to be the boss, take control, put a budget down and stick to it... instead of changing her mind because of some little thing that looked out of kilter. FIND AN ENDPOINT to the project!!! So the 3 things that center Lisa are: to clean something <so she started to mop the kitchen floor>, to socialize and talk on the phone <which was solved when her sister-in-law Christine called her> and to play the piano <which was the sole reason I was there in the first place>. Tonight I let her find her way to at least getting dinner on the table. I brought penne pasta for Johnnie's chicken noodle soup, sirloin steak for us, all she had to do was heat up her mom's chicken soup that she had in the freezer. And so we actually had the substantive dinner I wanted. And after a while Lisa did manage to calm down long enough to get to playing the piano. And Johnnie and I watched Coyote Peterson until she got done, close to 9 PM.  This would have never happened when we were still married. In fact, it would have escalated to a full-blown fight... as it did time and time again. But now it's different. Lisa was actually in a much better mood by the time I left... and she was too tired to do anything else but go to bed anyway. Yes it turned out to be a different Friday... with lots of reminders about the way it was when it was bad between Lisa and I. But no negative emotions tonight. It was all good! And by itself, that was something wasn't it. It was very, VERY good.

A Different Thursday Somehow

I always look to Thursday as somewhat of a relief, especially now that I'm in charge of a dog in addition to Johnnie. It means that although I love my Little Bug to death, I do get somewhat of a respite from having to focus on him (and now the dog too) if just after tonight and through tomorrow. The pictures I posted of him and the dog is somewhat of a microcosm of what a day looks like these days. Johnnie playing with his dinosaurs, and the dog taking a nap. Actually Johnnie had EXTRA time with his dinosaurs because his Thursday after-school playdate happened to be dinosaur-themed... and of course Johnnie would be that excited about talking about his collection. As would the other kids too actually. It turned out he was not the only kid that had a fascination for playing with dinosaurs, though he was clearly the most informed of all of them. As far as the dog, well let's just say she got into a rhythm too, as did I, in terms of peeing and pooping outside... so much so that during her last poop of the day, she pooped right on a leaf. All I had to do was pick up that leaf and plop it in the trash. Eezy-peezy. In the meantime, this being Thursday and all, I had meetings all day long it seemed like. From the moment I had my IS Team Meeting at 9:30, it was followed immediately by the HIT Roundtable that ran until noon. I had to make Johnnie's chicken noodle soup lunch while taking a few minutes off here and there from that meeting. As soon as that meeting ended, it was time to shuttle Johnnie on to HIS Zoom class. And then I managed to compress whatever I would usually do in the time between then AND the 3 PM Thursday afternoon huddle. That included the dinosaur play date too. Actually he had another birthday deal to do tonight with his class but he didn't seem all that excited about attending that one so I let him skip it. After all, he did karate class right before that too. Busy...busy...busy. I had it in my mind that Lisa would TRY to finish work early tonight, just as she did last week. I don't know why really, especially considering that no 2 Thursday pick-ups are ever alike. Or at least the times they are alike from one week to the next are extremely rare. So I told Johnnie to clean up really early, as in even before he did his karate class late in the afternoon. And bless his little heart he actually went right at it. By himself, he not only put away his museum, his schoolwork stuff, even his shoes and mine! I was literally shocked at how clean the apartment was when he got done! And so by the time we went to Panda on Sawtelle for the dinner run, he was actually already ready to go. All this made it a different Thursday than most already, but maybe the bigger surprise was that I was actually right. Lisa called at 6:30 PM already parked outside my apartment. WOW! And we were READY to go! And so for the 2nd Thursday in a row, hand-off night came early and I actually got started cleaning the apartment, to continue the momentum started by Johnnie himself and got done with the living room before it was even 7 PM! And I got 11,000 steps in by that time already too. And even managed to make myself spaghetti and turkey bolognese for dinner. AND I managed to mop and scrub and clean up the kitchen to boot! And so I ended THIS Thursday night relaxed and chillin' instead of being exhausted from cleaning the place like I was last week. Different Thursday this was. I'm LIKING IT!

Is February Coming To A Close Already

I woke up this morning and realized that this is the last work week of the month of February. Man is this month flying by or what? Or maybe I'm just busier than usual, which I am. This past year of the pandemic has brought about lots of different challenges at work and this month the focus is square on the COVID vaccination effort. It's almost like it's what we talk about in every meeting for the last couple of weeks. Which is why more than ever I am choosing to decompress and practice self-care by paying attention to the mundane and appreciate small quiet moments as often as I can recognize them. Even seeing Johnnie's list of things he fears (which translates to things he watched that he is afraid of... TODAY, simply because they are what he saw on an episode of Coyote Peterson LOL LOL) helps pull me back to center and balance. I mean just getting Johnnie's dissertation on what a Belgian Malnois is, and appreciating the fact that he, in fact, KNOWS what it is... that's what I call perspective. And so my Data Analytics meeting first thing this morning, and then the subsequent Leadership Summit which focused on TRUST seemed to all be in the background today, and that is a very good thing. I noticed I had a lot more meetings than usual through today and tomorrow and I, for one, actually welcome and relish Johnnie's constant interruptions into my bedroom office so he can tell me some fact and trivia about something he just watched. That, too, is keeping things as real as they are. And gets me focused on what does truly count the most in this world.

But of course the play of the day is Johnnie at his dance class this morning. Who knew the teacher would break out an Indian dance. Immediately I had it in my mind that Balwan and Sharon would get a kick out of it and so I had to record a little bit and send it to them... and Lisa of course. The kid has some moves... especially with that twirl in the end. Who knew! Maybe he IS a Dancer <Maxwell Smart>. And so even with the spate of meetings that lasted through almost 3 PM today I managed to keep myself semi-entertained. And then Johnnie had his karate class almost immediately after that. And so we both had a busy day really. And I actually looked forward to getting out and about and picking up Panda Express dinner in Westwood. Treasure the mundane.. the wise man said. And besides the play-of-the-day <Indian dance>, enjoying the mundane meant simply getting Claire the puppy to poop where we wanted to in the little mulch area at the front of the apartment. That's a win! Johnnie sharing the last of his chocolate chip cookies with me. It wasn't all perfect to be sure. A point of patience did come up about... ME, as I lost patience with Johnnie while I was trying to get him to watch the dog and his attention dipped to something else allowing the dog to run around more than I wanted. I have to realize that he, along with the dog, are just kids. And it is up to ME to put him in a position to succeed and feel good about following instructions. In this case, the leaning need was directed... at me. And I'm glad i at least realized it on the spot. And by the end of the evening, as Johnnie floated to his sleep and so did the puppy next to me, each on either side of me, I was still felt pretty good about today. We're still doing pretty good!

Tuesday Routinely

It felt more like an early summer day yesterday than a winter day in February, and especially with all the cold weather plaguing Texas last week, we would have to feel especially lucky here in SoCal. And today turned out to be more of the same. So much so that when I took the dog out to do her pee-and-poop thing first thing in the morning as I got up, I went out and didn't even have to put on a jacket. I just let her do her thing with me just in my pajamas. The new normal moving forward I suppose. Anyway, just look at me grilling some nice salmon on a plank for my lunch in the barbecue area like it really WAS summer. I don't even know why I didn't wear shorts it was so warm. By then Johnnie was in the middle of his noon class and these days I could actually leave him alone doing that and focus on other things... as in, lunch. The morning was pretty routine too and I noted that this was the only day this week I didn't really have a meeting booked up and I really couldn't count the IS Team Meeting either. There weren't really any pressing issues except one notable one. My boss/CEO is having computer issues. I don't know for the life of me why anyone would have computer issues with their stuff shutting down. Even when the DELL would do that to me, it wasn't because I had some unusually large stuff  I was working on. How do you really address that... except to tell the user stop opening large-ass stuff. But of course I can't really say that, and certainly not in that way either can't I? Anyway even with that, and even while I focused on swatting away all those past Data Analytics help tickets like I was whacking tennis balls coming my way,  I was sort of in cruise control mode for most of the day really. Maybe it truly is kicking in that I am in control of my reality and that everything is me pushed out, particularly the negative stuff. Just a mirror of something goofy going on in my head and my emotions is all. And I realize that if I really wanted to experience a chill day today, I can have EXACTLY that. Starting with that grilled salmon on a plank I had for lunch LOL LOL.  

I did notice that I was a bit sore from all those steps I did yesterday, but that I was back to normal today. In the meantime, even without work, the focus remained on either Johnnie, or the dog, or both. I fully realized that I had to take the dog out every couple of hours or so, at least if I didn't want her peeing inside the apartment. Already she had learned to pee on the puppy pad. But that was already an indication that she WAS inclined to peeing inside. In the meantime, Johnnie too was bugging for attention. I may have been in front of my computer for most of the day working on a report here, or a report there, some data here, some data there but every couple of hours Johnnie would go into the room and tell me some sort of trivia from whatever he was watching (do you know that water bugs are the most painful bites?), most likely Coyote Peterson? or just bug me to get me to give him a knuckle sandwich or to "brain him", my term for corkscrewing his temples. Look at the picture of him trying to do the same to me LOL LOL. By late afternoon, I had him doing the review week for the DojoGo taekwondo/ karate class I have him taking. The one thing I am so glad it is teaching him is the concept of respect. He has to say YES SIR even while addressing the teacher online. That stuff I can have him carryover to everything else in terms of dealing with adults. Or even his classmates. Anyway, this particular review session had him more tired than usual. And that was good too. He wolfed down his Panda Express dinner the same time the dog was wolfing down hers. And I couldn't help but survey the dinner scene... Johnnie had started taking out all his dinosaurs and building his museum in front of the TV. The puppy's mat that had traces of her peeing on it. Chocolate chip cookie crumbs from the batch I made last night that Johnnie had by his toys.  Already a far cry from the neat and tidy I had labored to make the apartment from Thursday night on. I wouldn't have it any other way though. It's just another Tuesday night after all :)

Working Hard On a Monday

Maybe it's because I have established a pattern of getting the hardest physical exercise done on Mondays for the past couple of months now. And with the possibility that I would be meeting up with Lisa at 5 PM so she could finally deposit that $14K check that has been burning a hole in her drawer <LOL> and also get Johnnie and the dog early today I figured I'd better get the bulk of my steps done before then, particularly if I'm targetting for 14,000+ steps today. And so I'm up bright and early and even after having gotten a pretty good meditation session done, I'm already enjoying the sunshine early... as in 7:30 AM early.  And I could tell it was already going to be a warm day. I love walking around my neighborhood. I'm intending to get a 2 BR condo somewhere here, which limits the number of places of course but I don't care. I like it here. And as I did my walk, I pictured myself doing so while not having to come back to worry about the 9:30 AM meeting I scheduled with James and Kennedy to talk about the sTARs report, or even think about the 10:30 Business Continuity Meeting after that. I will more likely think about some content I want to post in my influencer blog. Or clear my mind after having done a trade or two online. Today in the here and now, I got 3300 steps done before breakfast and I actually HAD to take a shower to clean up. And THEN I finally had my breakfast and I was back to today's reality. The meeting with Data Analytics was merely to solve a problem, that was James took too long to update a budget number and it was clear he wasn't going to be able to finish anything today if I had to make him do all the other Health Centers. Solution? Just hide ALL budget numbers. Took him all of 5 minutes. Problem solved. And then it was on to the Business Continuity Meeting where I didn't really have much of an update. That's because it's Monday reporting day for Covid vaccines and I was, by then, starting to extract data. That will be the new normal until Kennedy finishes the dashboard. Still, I did another walking session and by lunchtime, I was at 8000 steps. And I got done with the COVID numbers so early I almost had time to take a nap.   

Instead I decided to do food prep. I knew it was barely 2 PM, but I figured might as well get done early. I did chicken stew, which continues the stew series for a 5th straight week. I must say I'm getting pretty good at making stew in my Instant Pot. That wasn't all I made either. I cooked up the bacon for this week's batch in the oven, did a batch of penne pasta for Johnnie's chicken noodle stoup, and made some rice too. All that AND I still kept up with the walking regimen. I had gotten so far ahead that by 3 PM, I was already at 13000+ steps! I'm pretty much all done already and I had done 2 reps of the Nitric Oxide Dump too. And I had barely felt it. Of course I knew I'd feel it later but that's ok. AND I finished my COVID numbers submission well ahead of time. I was a BEAST all morning. By 4:45 I finally heard from Lisa and they were already down the street since Johnnie had yet another playdate, this time with Max right down the street from me. That's 4 play dates all weekend. I'm all for it of course since it helps him with the socializing. As far as getting the check deposited, that was another 5 minute exercise and then Lisa dropped me and Johnnie and the dog off. Hand-off all done. The dog's gear came out, as did his food and Johnnie almost ate up the entire batch of penne pasta I had just cooked up this afternoon. Man, did he even eat lunch or what? Lisa was talking about having yet another urinary tract infection and I had it in my mind that I was going to send her a remote healing later on. At least we all ate hearty tonight. Johnnie with his penne pasta, me with my chicken stew, and even the dog ate a lot. Hard to believe we were having problems not even 3 Mondays ago. I had so much time I decided I'd knock off some more reporting requests. Seems like I had not paid attention to a whole bunch of them. No time like the present to start on the pile. I got to a couple tonight, and I'm sure with Kennedy's help we'll knock off more tomorrow. Hey, I was a rock star today. I provided MASSIVE VALUE. Acknowledged or not. It was all good.

Golf Day and Another Johnnie Playdate

One thing I focused on this morning was to use today's golf experience as a gauge with how I am doing in terms of my manifesting skills. The desired outcome of course was to have a good score. And so I spent time before heading out to Roosevelt to visualize what my play would be on each hole. I took my time this morning and was in a pretty good state, even stopping at Primo's Donuts to get myself a ham-and-cheese croissant for breakfast. The immediate result was that I hit a par right off the bat on the first tee. My tee shot was the farthest I had ever hit off that tee and landed dead square in the middle not 50 yards from the green. Even a semi-errant 2nd shot got me close enough for a 10 foot par putt. Which I made! How about THAT right off the bat. It was almost like I had visualized it in fact. I thought I was on my way to having a really good golf game... until the guys playing in front of us took so long just tee-ing off that I lost whatever good mojo I had. I got impatient, and I could even feel my own negative energy. The result was a horrendous next hole that I think took me 9 shots to simply finish. Sigh. The key was right there in front of me. I had to get myself in a relaxed, and positive state before each hole. And I did not do enough of it on Hole 3. Didn't visualize the hole enough. And so I got a 5 on it. Same with the next hole. A decent tee shot but a short 2nd shot. Still I was  25 yards from the hole after 3 shots. And I 3-putted my way to another 6.  Another good tee shot on Hole 5, but 2 bad shots from the fairway. Already I knew I wasn't focusing enough on my fairway shots and the default program was almost to be inconsistent. At least I finished the last hole with a par. I had a decent iron shot off the tee that landed right on the edge of the green and then pushed a putt within 5 feet of the hole. So at least I had some moments today. Not enough of them, but I will take satisfaction with the ones I got. And take solace in an opportunity to make adjustments for next week. And also to make sure I remind myself of the level of focus necessary for other outcomes I want. If I'm not getting them, just like golf, it's for sure because I am letting the negative default program run is all. And so after golf, I got my IN-N-Out lunch on the way home. Ate all the fries before I even got home. And then wolfed down the burger just as soon as I did get home. And then knocked off a nice 40 minute nap right after. I woke up just in time to realize that I was due at Lisa's by 2 PM-ish. I had agreed that Johnnie should go on another playdate with Rose, this time at her house right around the corner from Lisa's. And that we were both going to take him. I had already spent time talking to Patrick, Rose's dad when we did the Penmar playdate a couple of weekends ago so I was very comfortable taking Johnnie. I figured I'd give Lisa some time to do notes or play piano. But she wanted to come meet the parents herself. And of course being social is Lisa's thing. And so it was that we all went and true enough it was just around the corner from the Maplewood house. We ended up staying there pretty much until 4:30 PM. Johnnie got to jump in a BIG trampoline, not like the dinky one in my apartment. Little Claire found a playmate (Ringo), even though said playmate was 5 times bigger than her and we all worried she would get trampled LOL. Look at the pic of the difference in size. I think we all ended up having a perfectly pleasant afternoon. Did I mention how nice a day this turned out to be? When we got back to the house it wasn't 5 PM yet but Lisa was hungry, which was real unusual. And so she heated up some leftover Panini Grill, and heated me up a plate too. And then just to give Lisa some alone time, I took Johnnie with me to the apartment for a couple of hours. We made a pit stop at Panda Express of course since I had a feeling Johnnie hadn't eaten all afternoon. He not only loaded up on that, but also got some of the protein milk I usually make him before he goes to bed. AND for good measure, I gave him a shower. He had a playdate last night, this morning, and this afternoon and I'm sure it had been a while since he had showered last. And so when I drove him back to Lisa's, he was already bed ready. Lisa got some alone time and when I got back I still had plenty of ME time of my own. Sunday night is winding down. Time to start thinking about next week?

Johnnie Day For A Bit

So today is another Lisa workday Saturday, which means that I am watching Johnnie at least through mid-afternoon. It also means that I am at her house before 7:45 and she has to leave for work. And so in very short order we do our Saturday-routine-when-Lisa-is-working which we've done for years now. But today we start with a shower for Johnnie since apparently he didn't take one last night. I was happy to give him one at my apartment, and from there we go on to getting my car washed right down the street and then we're at Elysee having the same breakfast we would have every other Saturday pre-pandemic. Yes I'm still clinging to this routine, and I will continue to do so for as long as I can, appreciating that these routines can be cut off as quickly as that <finger snap> as the pandemic has proven to be true. And therefore I will appreciated them for however long I can, as Johnnie and I sit there and share a croissant in front of Elysee. And I appreciate this father-son ritual that had started when he was just a few months old. I know there will come a time when he will perhaps no longer want to do this. But today is not that day. And today in fact we go right on to Target after breakfast because Johnnie made a list of things for us to get at the store. Making lists... is there any doubt at all where that came from? Anyway, he wanted to get some facial tissues for when he sneezes, a real bed for the dog, AND most important of all, the bite-proof jacket. THAT was important. Of course we bought other things too, but it was mission accomplished for Johnnie that we got these 3 things. And I admit that by the time we got home, I too felt like we had already accomplished the stuff we needed to do for the day. The reward for Johnnie was that he got to watch more videos of course, although today I went back to another old habit, which was that he had to do a lesson before he could go on to watch anything. And I got him a Grade 1 Learner book to supplement what he was already doing at school. That and I had him do a "project". He was disappointed because I wouldn't buy him these pre-packaged art stuff from Target. And I told him I'd show him how to make his own art stuff. And so I took a pic of him making cut-out pictures Matisse-style and I even did some of the colored paper for him. Who needs to buy this stuff. The cool thing was that he really got into it and so he didn't even NEED to watch a video. Not while he was engaged making some more artwork for his mom. Anyway, it seemed like time flew by this morning and before long it was already lunchtime and time to do another routine... lunch at Panda Express. I remember back in the day I would try to at least vary lunch a bit by going to Ramen-Ya or Mitsuwa. But not these days. I'm happy to do Panda Express for him, also because today I wanted to get some orange chicken for myself.  We had noticed when we ventured out that the winds had picked up significantly. As in palm tree branches were falling down all over the place. It was still warm, but most definitely windy. But it's the kind of windy that I like, in that it wasn't biting cold. Not for February anyway. Finally when we finished lunch, I let him watch a video. And selfishly, it was because I wanted to take a nap. And so nap I did while Johnnie watched Tumble Leaf. And I was able to get 25 minutes in actually. Not too bad. By 3:15 Lisa had already called. She had made plans for Johnnie to go bike riding with Simon from down the street and I was actually happy to let him go early . Again this goes back to the narrative that no one pick up is the same as another as far as Lisa is concerned. The last time she worked, I dropped Johnnie off late that night and had already given him a shower. As big of a routine freak am I, Lisa is the total opposite and it's almost like she is completely random.  Which I've learned to get used to. And we did discuss today already a couple of days ago. And so off went mom and son and I got the rest of Saturday to myself. What did I do with the rest of today? First thing was to get myself a haircut. And I headed off to Supercuts. I will say though that although this was the first supposedly pro haircut I had gotten in a couple of months, it wasn't that much better. I think the stylist left too much on the top. But that's ok, it was decent. The thing i didn't do was attend the online Bengston Healing weekend session which was going on today and tomorrow. This tells me that I do have some kind of block in my other-than-conscious set up to distract me from learning what I need to learn, in this case, about energy healing. Or procrastinating on actions I need to do. That is the work I need to do this week I think. In the meantime the concurrent message is that I need to continue to work on my subconscious or other-than-conscious programming. Likely that there are still blocks to all the outcomes I intend to experience. Nothing better than golf tomorrow to practice this stuff eh?

Visiting Downtown

After the meeting yesterday afternoon I was invited by Lupe to a sort-of goodbye lunch for Chad today. And it was supposed to be somewhere at Grand Hope Park across from the FRB. They were going to get food from Panini Grill. I jumped at the chance to (a) socialize with someone, anyone other than Johnnie and the dog and/or Lisa (b) spend some time, any amount of time outdoors... especially on what turned out to be a nice Friday like today. It turned out to be a few of us from that same Thursday meeting. Courtney turned up, as did Steeone, Marina, Eloisa who had planned it, and Dr Liao even. I even took a pic of us eating right there on the grass. It was actually nice to see everyone in person, and not on Zoom. Almost hard to believe I hadn't seen these guys in almost a year. So this lunch actually had the feel of a reunion. Chad was one of the C's and an integral part of the management team. But to me, he was one more of the people I used to have lunch with almost every day for years at the FRB cafeteria. Now all of a sudden it seems, Alan is retired, Art has left the company, Barbara has stepped down, and now Chad is leaving. That is a lot of change in less than a year. And I don't think it is a QueensCare thing necessarily. And then even more than that, this is the first time I'm hanging out in DTLA in a long time. Just parking and walking to the park almost felt ... normal, even routine.  And eating food from Panini Grill definitely brought back old feelings of deja vu. As far back as when we used to live at the Lindbrook apartment. So today's lunch actually had a far larger emotional effect on me than I realized. That it was the highlight of the day would be an understatement. So we had the lunch and just like that it was Goodbye Chad and so was my visit downtown. I flirted with the idea of going to Ralphs and Whole Foods and doing my grocery shopping right then and there. But it felt like I was just visiting now.... and it was time to go home. And so it was that I headed back and did my grocery shopping rounds in my neighborhood. I did my Whole Foods and Trader Joe's run and I was still home by 2 PM and by then I already considered my work day and the short week over.  Not even James being late yet again on another deadline pushed me to worry or anxiety. A bit of irritation perhaps but I got over it real fast.  In fact I focused more on what to eat for dinner LOL. It was Friday night after all and I made it another movie night. I ended up watching Monster Hunter, the new Milla Jovovich action movie, not too far off from her Resident Alien roles. And I watched it while eating a homemade pizza from Ralphs. I don't know why I didn't just go get a pizza from Pizza Hut or something. Hey I had pizza and movie night, I had a freebie lunch from Panini Grilll, enjoyed a beautiful day outside and got to hang out with my co-workers. AND it was payday Friday to boot and even after paying off the Honda last week, I'm already at my balance from early November. And the BEST feeling yet? I woke up to and then later on came back home to a VERY CLEAN APARTMENT! I had to post a picture. All is good.

Day After

The day after Tech Council Meeting Day is always a breathe out and relax kind of day. And certainly I had all intention to make it like that today. I started off pretty well. I also intended to make sure I did some kind of bonding activity with Johnnie today. I noticed he was more sensitive than usual last night, in fact. I am embarrassed to admit I made him cry too. All because I nagged at him from in front of my computer about crashing his chairs all over the living room. I had yelled at him for much worse, but this time, he started to cry and blurted out that "I didn't want him around". That almost ripped my heart in two right there. THIS is exactly the kind of childhood programming I must make sure never finds a foothold in Johnnie's attention, conscious, subconscious or otherwise. I sat him down and made sure he knew beyond the shadow of a doubt by telling him over and over that I loved him so much, that him being around is the biggest thing that matters to me. What Lisa does so much better than I do is that she basically hugs him as often as she can. Anyway I reversed his energy pretty quickly and I wanted to make sure I continued yesterday's energy through today up until the Lisa pick-up. And I also wanted to continue yesterday's relative peace and calm to today too. And so I had to post pics of me making myself beef yakisoba for lunch and then eating it outside in the warm sun while Johnnie did his Thursday noon class. I would call that a pretty chill lunch. And then while Johnnie did his playdate with his class on Zoom, I did my steps in my room. A win-win-win. It's funny listening to him interact with his classmates. He can be non-stop talkative when he wants to that is for sure and I like that actually. His classmate Rose actually requested a play date with him online yesterday via his teacher Ms. Wiley. She was concerned Rose was not doing well socially interacting online and so called on Johnnie to sort of break the ice. Nope, online socializing has not turned out to be one of Johnnie's weak points LOL. Anyway I was pretty chill this afternoon that I could have easily taken a nap while Johnnie was doing his EPIC reading. As it was, I facilitated the 3 PM Thursday Afternoon Huddle and it lasted all of 30 minutes. By the end of that meeting, I was pretty much done with the work day.  

Johnnie actually had lots to do this afternoon. His second time through the DojoGo karate class is winding down its 5th week and you can tell how engaged Johnnie is with how many water breaks he took. He did at least 2 of them in the 25 minute class. At least he's smiling (see the pic) and learning. It's all I could have asked. And then by 5 PM off we went to Sawtelle Panda Express to pick up dinner. I still had one more serving of lamb stew left (boy that thing sure had a lot of mileage didn't it!) so I didn't need to order for me. The good thing was that we put the dog down in the mulch area outside of Marshall's, and she obliged by doing a poop. She was so good she didn't poop one time inside the house. And the one time she pee'd inside, she did it on the training mat. No complaints there. The biggest surprise this evening was that Lisa called to pick up Johnnie... at 6:30 PM!! WOW!! That is the earliest she had ever called in to pick up. Of course, a year ago I would still drop him off at Cornerstone Conservatory at 6 PM to coincide with Lisa's violin class. And then come home and clean up. That is what I did tonight. I even let Johnnie leave his saved work out just to get him delivered to Lisa. Otherwise she would drive right home and I did NOT want to drive Johnnie there. And so it was that I cleaned up the living room, and then the kitchen too! Usually I don't get to these things until the weekend. Now I have a clean apartment to enjoy all day tomorrow. On a Friday yet! Just another Lisa surprise and to continue the narrative that she never has the same Thursday pick up night from one to the next. Last week she's late, this week she's way early. Eh, just Lisa being Lisa. It's all good tonight.

Tech Council Meeting Day

Today is Tech Council Meeting Day and because I had done the bulk of the work yesterday, all the other stuff I needed to get done seemed to come much easier, and all got done in almost no time to me. That would be my meeting minutes, that would be the Meeting agenda, and even a daily journal log entry got done. All by the time Johnnie did his first class. And I even had plenty of time to do a Data Analytics Meeting with Kennedy and James just so I could address the only other stuff that could have possibly caused me work anxiety today, which is all the dashboards that are behind and need refreshing. On the one hand, I did figure out where the source programs are. The trick, though, is that they still need to be ran and data still needs to get loaded. Still I felt reasonably good that we'd get a chunk of it done by the end of the week, particularly those that people were pinging me on. And so in the meantime, we (me, Johnnie, and the dog) were pretty much relaxed and in play mode for the bulk of the morning. Look at the pic of Johnnie teasing the dog in the bathroom. This was first thing in the morning at 7 AM. And then Johnnie got into his art work, doing the American flag in water colors. Pretty cool actually.  Anyway, by the time he got done with his first 2 classes, I too had gotten my stuff done so fast that I actually had time to work on my steps outside. I'm doing this again because I read recently that 2 hours outside is now a self-care imperative, almost like, if not better than doing 10,000 steps. And then it was udon for lunch for Johnnie and Trader Joe's Cuban chicken bowl for me... with some leftover fried chicken on top. Mmmm. As far as the Tech Council Meeting itself, there were only 5 people that attended. Chad of course is on his way out and I didn't expect him. Maryam had to meet about the COVID vaccination event, Sheila was off, and Emma... I don't know where she was. Anyway with such a small audience I could have breezed through the whole thing in a half hour really. But I thought it was a pretty good presentation anyway. I focused on the Projects In Progress, and the not-so-good phishing test numbers were from the last month. Am I concerned? Yes, because it was a significant spike. Gotta figure out a way to reign in the clinical folks, there's no avoiding that. Anyway as it were I did take the entire hour for the meeting and my visualization of doing well and being acknowledged actually did happen. I felt satisfied that I did a good meeting and that it was productive. And when it got done by 2:30, there came the usual sigh of "a-h-h-h" relief that I accomplished Tech Council stuff for the month. Really though I just wanted to show that the Data Analytics side is under control. Help is on the way of course because I hired Shilpa, but it is still under control. I had to anchor the feeling of today still. The feeling that I knew the outcome, that it was going to be good <and it was> and that I had almost no anxiety at all from yesterday on. THAT IS HOW I GET IT DONE. After the meeting I called it pretty much a done day in terms of the work day. If I were at the FRB I'd be heading out getting myself a frozen drink at Starbucks. It had, after all, turned into a nice, warm, breezy day outside. That is not insignificant. Apparently parts of the country are freezing due to abnormally cold weather. I remind myself that it IS actually still winter. And I'm happy to be walking around in shorts outside. 

And so it was that I got to relax for real by the end of the afternoon. The video I posted encapsulates the rest of the day actually. That was me and Johnnie dancing to Chuck Berry. I had to show him a video of a song with his name in it. There are lots actually but I picked this one. And that was just to slow Johnnie down from bouncing up and down on the trampoline all night long. The thing is already fraying at the edges and yesterday, Johnnie felt sick because he did it right after he ate. Well OF COURSE he would feel sick.  Anyway, THAT would be my sort of victory lap for today. Lots to be grateful for. My TECH COUNCIL meeting went well, even IF it went barely unattended LOL LOL. Note; I totally didn't care about that in the least. The dog pooped and pee'd pretty much whenever we took her outside, which was every few hours or so. Anyway the victory here is that she didn't once go do her thing inside the house! Yay! Although she is starting to bite a little bit more. So much so Johnnie wanted us to buy a bite-proof jacket LOL LOL, whatever that is. Anyway I looked forward to some nice sleep tonight, although I actually had 6+ hours yesterday as I didn't have to stay up late to work on my presentation. Still, I'm in bed and snoozing with Johnnie. It was 9:30. It's all good...

Busy But Under Control

So even though it doesn't feel like I had the day off yesterday, I had just enough of a mental rest that I didn't feel overwhelmed today. In fact, even though I knew I would have to work on my Tech Council presentation all day today, there was no panic, no urgency. It felt strangely routine. Maybe it was getting Johnnie and the dog again last night. It felt comforting to actually sleep early with the dog to the left of me and Johnnie to the right, both breathing softly asleep. It's like what could possibly be wrong in the Universe <smiles>. I think those little meditation stints, brief though they may be really do help out tremendously. I simply focused on providing great value, intending to get finished what I needed to, and affirming that my success is inevitable. And that pretty much kept me cruising all day today. Routine helps too and going to McDonald's for breakfast, getting Johnnie to his 9 AM class and doing my IS Team Meeting already made me feel like I was accomplishing a lot this morning. That and the Manager Meeting which was moved to today since yesterday was an off-day went off pretty well. Superhero single dad, that's what I am :) Maybe it's also letting go a bit and focusing on something else that helped. In my case today, I was focused on making sure the dog didn't poop or pee inside the house. And by golly, we got THAT accomplished. She did, but only when I took her out to the mulch area in front of the house. This WORKS! I wish I could say I focused 100% on my presentation, but the bulk of the early afternoon was actually spent on doing the COVID vaccine reports. This was the first time I was in charge and aggregating all the data from different sources. And it took a little bit of vetting but it was actually good that people got to see that process of validation and seeing where data came from. And it was all done via TEAMS chat, which was cool. By 4 PM, my boss was able to submit her data and I was actually totally confident we had good numbers! Superstar Data Guy.   

Now, doing all that meant I was actually not even working on my Tech Council presentation all afternoon and still I didn't feel behind at all. I knew what I needed to update and so I methodically just did them one at a time. I took plenty of breaks taking brief walks outside so I could do my steps log, and then I even watched Johnnie do his karate class. He's doing really REALLY well too. By the time we were off to Panda Express to get dinner, I was actually more than halfway done with my presentation. And unlike in the past where I used to stay up until 2 or 3 AM in the morning to finish, I was pretty sure I'd get everything done by bedtime. I just needed to get Johnnie watching something where he wouldn't need my attention. The answer? The old Lego Jurassic World Isla Nublar that he hadn't watched in almost a month. Hard to believe that a year ago he was obsessed with Frozen II. In the meantime, I had an odd mix of fried rice, chow mein and frozen fried chicken for dinner. Strangely, it was actually pretty filling and not bad at all LOL. By 8 PM, I had already reached 11,000 steps and I felt strangely calm. In fact, with Johnnie occupied by Isla Nublar, I pretty much got my presentation done by Johnnie's bedtime. There were little things still to do here and there and I really hadn't done my Meeting Minutes yet but who cares. I can do all that tomorrow. I had 30 slides and enough material for about 45 minutes so I was good to go. So how about that, I got done what I wanted to do today. I even managed to take 10 minutes to do a frequency meditation and honestly I think it's what's keeping me on even keel, at least for today. At the very least, it IS keeping anxiety at bay. And I did notice that my resting heart rate has been very steady at 70 for the last 5 days. That's supposed to be a good thing right? Today was also a reminder that if you find a way to appreciate the space you're in, and even acknowledge the parts of you that are pushing towards anxiety, it is much easier to get to the space you want to be. And feel good about it. 

President's Day Off

So I have the day off today but on the Monday of Tech Council Meeting week it's not going to be a no-work day. Still without Johnnie or the dog in the house I can at least do my work without interruption. At least I acknowledge I'm the only one that can interrupt myself LOL. And so what I wanted most to accomplish this morning, the thing I intended to do the most was to get some good meditation in. And I got a nice half hour worth. See the mantra I kept repeating to alpha binaural beats. I thought about how I was actually manifesting lots of stuff in the most recent past. What about $14,000+ check with my name on it. Of course it had Lisa's name too and so I need to make a slight mental adjustment LOL. I probably have something I need to work on about getting approval. HER approval. Not too good huh? I also acknowledge that if there is any urgency in my thinking with regards to my job or the job I'm doing, that is 100% self-inflicted and that I can simply choose to be acknowledged for that job instead of worrying how things might go wrong. After all, per my mantra... MY SUCCESS IS INEVITABLE. I also went back to the stuff I dug up yesterday from Valentine's Days of years past. In my 2005 journals, not being in a relationship like I am currently, it would seem that I am in the same state that I am today... that is, on the verge of breaking through. But I was not consistent enough in my practice. Not focused enough with my intention. Easily distracted. That is the adjustment I need to make don't I? Just like golf. And that was a good 16 years ago. At least I can pick up where I left off and make the adjustments now. TODAY. Which is why the meditation exercise was so important. I need to keep doing that every day. What I did do this morning was get right back to the routine of Mondays as my long "run" days, although these days, they are merely lots-more-steps days. It is not insignificant that I did 15000+ steps the last 2 Mondays. And 14,000+ steps the 2 Mondays before that. I merely need to continue that today, especially when I don't have to check in at work. I did get started with work stuff. But I also started my steps early and kept switching between working in front of my computer, AND doing steps outside. Happy President's Day Off! LOL.   

I do recall a couple of President's Days off that we would play golf. Ah but that was when Lisa would still play golf with me. Up until a couple of years ago we would even spend at least the morning for breakfast (Rockenwagner) and then the year before that we were at Laguna Beach on a cold brisk windy day on the way to Tax Prep meeting in Santa Ana. Seems like such a distant memory now. Why is it that Monday days off the last couple of months would fall on Tech Council week Mondays?? And today I had the extra task of cleaning up Data reporting for COVID vaccinations. I worked on that like it was due today. It actually wasn't due until tomorrow, but by early afternoon, I had my spreadsheets ready to go. By then I was already at 10000 steps too and by 3 PM, I actually walked to the store to get ingredients for lamb stew. And that is what I did late afternoon. Clean up the apartment, ready it up for Johnnie and the dog, and make my lamb stew, now easily a go-to for colder days. Of course Lisa would call around 5:30 PM and inform me that they're just headed for home from a day in Pasadena. Apparently the dog got her shots today. I hope Lisa isn't bugging about money again... not when she has a $14K check sitting there uncashed. I decided to go to Lisa's house anyway to pick up Johnnie's stuff so all she had to do was to drop Johnnie and the dog off. I was already half a block from my apartment when she called because she realized that they didn't have Fuzzy. My heart sank. Sigh. Of course I had to go bock to get Fuzzy. Johnnie would have a cow otherwise. And by the time I got there, so did they. And so I did NOT escape putting away Johnnie's saved work, all the dinosaurs he had laid out from the last couple of days. At least we got home by 6:30, I got to eat my hot lamb stew over rice, Johnnie had his usual chicken noodle soup, and even the dog seemed happy. Heck she pooped and pee'd almost the instant I took her to the mulch area in front of my aparment. AND  I made chocolate chip cookies too. And so it turned out that I actually got lots accomplished today. And I'm left with a short work week. But first there's the Tech Council Meeting to plan for...

Was It Valentine's Day Today?

Today was Valentine's Day, not that THAT is any significance for single dads not dating anyone currently like myself LOL LOL. <To be fair, I do want to and intend to go beyond just perusing profiles on Zoosk ok?> Instead, it's merely another golf Sunday and today we are at Penmar for the first time in months. At least for the 3 of us <that would be Greg, Scott, and I> we haven't played here together in more than a year. So today counts as a treat actually considering that the play goes by faster and the fact that it is so close to me I could actually get there in less than 10 minutes. Which allowed me to lollygag at home when I woke up and make myself breakfast. I'll take Earl Grey hot tea and bacon/tomato/cream cheese on a toasted bagel from my own kitchen any day.  It was a beautiful day out already by the time I headed out and by the time it was close to the 9:20 tee time, it had actually gotten warm enough where I didn't need my vest. Just a gorgeous, wind-swept but not cold at all February morning at Penmar. I'll take that any day. Before we started playing, it was not lost on Scott and I that we used to do this tee time <9:30> all the time years ago and Lisa and I would still be running in late from the parking lot... and Scott and Greg knew I was not the reason <CHUCKLE>. Just another memory from my past married life that is best to move on from. And so on to the golf. I reminded myself this morning that what keeps me from doing well is that i'm in my own head too much and that I need to find a way to unhook from that and the past negative program. <I am not consistent><I can't hit a decent shot from the fairway> That was all I wanted to practice on today. Flash forward to lunchtime... I'm picking up my usual from Crimson. After all, it IS right down the street. We had gotten done by 11:10 in fact, far earlier than I thought. We had taken just 2 hours to play! And how did I play? A quick summary was that I played pretty well compared to the last couple of weeks. And I didn't whiff on too many shots. I'm still hitting trees but that is merely an adjust when I'm in front of those things, to learn to just dribble out. I didn't hit my tee shots as solidly as I like either. Except an iron on the short hole 3 that I landed pin level and right on the green. I got a par on that one, my only one for the day. But I did not have any blow-up holes. And even while not really hitting well off the tee, I got to the green in 3 and got a bogey 5 on Hole 1, Hit the tree off the tee but got to the edge of the green in 3 shots again on Hole 2, hit the tree again on 4 and whacked an errant OB shot to the other tee box... and that would be my worst hole actually. Got a bogey 4 on the narrow Hole 5. Got to the green in 2 on that one. Got a 6 on the long Hole 6 with a nice fairway shot that went 200 yards, Hit the tree again on Hole 7 but got a 6 again. Got a bogey 4 on Hole 8 and finally blasted a tee shot 220 yards down the fairway on the last hole. So I made enough good shots, and hit far less bad shots to feel satisfied about my play today. It's a good improvement and I'll take that any day. And so I went on home and enjoyed my usual lunch. Effectively, my day was over right there. On a normal Sunday I'd just take a nap and cruise the rest of the day to the end of the weekend. So what did I do the rest of the day? Nothing. A big fat nothing. I kept on watching Season 1 of the series FRINGE my latest binge series for this week. And just because of today, I did time travel to a couple of Valentine's Days of years past. There is no disputing that Lisa is the one big love of my life even if our relationship ended in divorce. And so most memorable Valentine's Days would obviously have her in it. Both good days AND bad actually. I do know that to effectively clear out negative emotions, I must override them with the good and so I chose to focus. And so I chose to focus on the old ritual I had of giving a rose to every one on her staff at her office and how many times I did that LOL. And remembering that I chose to do that because I love giving out flowers and Lisa hated receiving them for whatever reason. Note: I do know she was in a great mood on Friday because she received them from a patient that day she did an impromptu procedure on, on a day she wasn't even supposed to work. See? She does like getting them. Probably just not from me LOL LOL <smh??> Nah, I simply need to remember that in the here and now I am no longer responsible for making her happy not should I even try and that I should divert that energy... to myself. See those old thoughts about making her happy are the thoughts I need to purge. It's ok. I kept on time travelling farther and got to 2006. No digital records then, no electronic journal. I had to dig through my old paper notebook journals.  And simply reading through that time period in 2006 made me realize THAT was time period when Lisa and I had our first kiss at the LA Coliseum, and making out at whatever class room we can find at USC. We were still hiding then. Hiding being with one another. The excitement of new love. Now THAT was a Valentine's Day. It was a Valentine's MONTH to be honest. And remembering that time simply made me smile. Thank you for being with me for that ride Lisa. Thank you.

An Unexpected Johnnie Day

So I skipped out on dinner at Lisa's last night. But I felt much better this morning. Which means I'm up for being around people again LOL. And so I decided I'd join the Lisa household for breakfast. On my way over there I saw the familiar long line in front of that hole-in-wall donut shop adjacent from the corner McDonald's. Primo's Donuts turned out to be the name of the place. I always wondered what the big attraction was. Nothing tells you a place is good more than a nice long line outside, especially one that always has one every day. And so quite spontaneously I got in line for that donut shop, and decided to bring croissants and donuts for everyone for breakfast. It turned out to be a winner. Turns out the donuts were great! The croissants were great! Clearly will not be the last time I get in that line for sure. And so with that I had breakfast at Lisa's and I made sure to take a picture of the nice china she had to use. Just Lisa being Lisa. The surprise this morning was that she had made plans to go on a hike with Heidi her friend who she hadn't talked to in quite some time. And she asked me to watch Johnnie until she got back this evening. Now THAT is a surprise in my favor. I get a Johnnie day on a Saturday Lisa isn't working. And so off we went to go do our shopping rounds for this Saturday morning. First stop: Mitsuwa for my frozen Asian food. Then Whole Foods for lamb stew cutlets, then Ralphs for Lisa's Progresso soup and pancake mix. Too bad you can't get all in one store. But that's ok. Just that by the time we got to the apartment, it was nearly 10:30 already. Of course Johnnie had to go watch something right?  This time it was the Tigger Movie. And really I was just killing time until it was lunchtime already, and time to head out to get him Panda Express for lunch. And then I just wanted to chill on the couch again. And Little Bug and I basically just sat there dad-and-son just hanging out on the couch on a lazy Saturday. Why do we need to do anything? Johnnie just bounces and bounces as he burns off energy at will anyway. Any time I can get him to sit still and chill is good. And I managed to work in a 25 minute nap too actually. I wasn't really intending to, I just got so relaxed on the couch that I closed my eyes and when I woke up, Johnnie was jumping up and down - predictably - at my feet on the couch.  It was 6 PM by the time Lisa came by and picked Johnnie up. By then I had given him dinner, making him udon per his request. We shared some pumpkin pie for dessert too, a product of a whim of stopping by Marie Callenders on the way home from Ralphs this morning. Hey I felt like eating pie alright? And Johnnie? his deal was to get white chocolate cookies and cream Hershey's. I've never heard of THAT. It would end up being his "present" for Lisa for tonight LOL. For my dinner I started to clean out all the food I had been buying over the weeks and freezing but not actually eating. There was that baked cod from Trader Joe's. Vegetable fried rice... Trader Joe's too. And let's not forget the garden vegetable soup. Yep, it was time to clear out these things instead of cooking up something new or buying some fast food. I was actually going to replace them when I was last at Trader Joe's... but I thought maybe I should eat them up FIRST. And so it was that right after Lisa picked up Johnnie, I finally took stock of the apartment and decided right then and there to clean it. Even just half of it would be ok. And so I did the living room, not only swept it but mopped it up too. And then I mopped up the kitchen, remembering full well the spots that the dog pee'd on last week. And so it was that I did get that "something accomplished" feeling in once and for all. And I finally took the long hot shower that I didn't take from yesterday. It was much needed. And when I got done I sank to the couch and realized that I was still stuck on thinking that I had to get something done today with my Saturday. And that's when I reminded myself that, in fact, it was a 3-day weekend and this was Day 1 and it was perfectly ok that I did nothing. These times of the pandemic SELF CARE is front and center most important for us all. And if that meant taking a day where I shut myself off and did nothing, then so be it. And even then I still cleaned the apartment, and I still put in 11,800 steps today so it was not like I did totally nothing either. What I liked most about today was that I got quality time with Johnnie and the dog was not with us. Very important because he's starting to display behavior patterns that I know he picked up from Lisa. He uses words like "I know you're disappointed", or panics when I tell him to rush, or yells when he "loses" at something. I know he didn't learn any of those from me. And so I feel it's important that I provide a counter-balance to all these tendencies I'm sure he's picking up with Lisa. And that was what today was about. Still all good.

Week Not Quite Done Yet

I should have had a nice quiet victory lap kind of Friday after the UDS report stuff from the week. And this morning I sort of treated it like a TANK FRIDAY. Except that my morning got interrupted first thing by a phone call. Of course it's Lisa, asking for help. Her internet is down and she of course needs it for Johnnie's classes today. She told me it had been down since Tuesday. I wouldn't be able to deal with my internet being down a few hours let alone a few days. I don't know what I can do really other than to tell her to turn her router in the attic on and off which usually does the trick. Apparently she had already done that and it didn't work. I told her to try it again and see if it works this time. Of course I was just buying time doing due diligence. And then I headed on over there. I figure I might as well try to fix it myself. Predictably what I tried didn't work either. And so I told Lisa to simply call Jorge who had set it all up and was going to be in the area today, AND call SPECTRUM to see if the problem is with the line somehow. Something tells me all the yardwork Lisa's crew had been doing may have cut a cable or something. Anyway she got an appointment scheduled with Spectrum and that was that. She decided she would take Johnnie in to her office and he could do his classes there. All good. At least she had a pretty good Plan B. I went on home and got a couple of sausage McMuffins from McDonalds and went home to have breakfast. By then it was still only 8:30 and I should have hopped into the shower and started my day. But instead I did some meditation/frequency listening sessions and by the time I got done it was 10 AM. I'm going to call it my ME time for the day. And from there I basically just did my required Paycom training for another hour and so all that took me to lunch already. So why did I post a pic of me being FRUSTRATED? Because I thought I had skated through the day until just like this morning the Universe seemed to be intent on giving me a test. This time it was an email from Emma asking if we were ready to submit UDS reports. James had not responded to my emails asking for status all day, something which he does quite often, and something that irritates me to no end. Only when I emailed him towards the end of the day letting him know I was irritated that he hadn't responded and how unprofessional that was did I finally get a response. And it would seem Dennis hadn't entered all his comments in either. So I'm really confused now. And I decided to do a Zoom call with all involved. At 5 PM. On a Friday. Before the 3-day weekend. Which is EXACTLY why I was irritated at James. We should not have waited this long. But we did the Zoom meeting and afterwards at least I felt better that we were on track. James would finish with his corrections and comments and so would Dennis,  James would let Dennis know when he was done and Dennis would let Emma know when we were ready to go. It would appear Dennis might not have saved a bunch of his comments either. Anyway by 5:30 all was done. E..x..c..e..p..t  I was supposed to meet Lisa at the bank so I could co-sign on her 14,000+ check <that I ain't getting a dime of BTW>. She called me first but I was in the middle of my Zoom call. I called her back right after but she didn't call me back until it was past 6 PM already.  I guess we missed having our window for the bank. Lisa said she was making dinner with Michael Villanueva who was over visiting for the weekend. And she wanted me to come over. But I by then I was in the mode of the first picture: FRUSTRATED. And I did not want to be social. I wanted to regain balance. I wanted to get the feeling of peace and harmony. That IS the fundamental difference between Lisa and I. Lisa deals with it by socializing, being around people and talking to them. I deal with it by going back in, and needing to be alone. And tonight I needed to be alone. And so I made up some story about how bad of a day I was having because of the COVID vaccinations. I don't know why I needed to lie. But I did just so I could have a more profound excuse other than I didn't feel like being around people. Or talking to Lisa. I simply wanted to chill out on my Friday night. Alone. I took a walk in the neighborhood. Cleared my head. Watched the Lakers beat Memphis.  Not exactly the chill Friday before a 3-day weekend. But it will have to do.