Was It Valentine's Day Today?

Today was Valentine's Day, not that THAT is any significance for single dads not dating anyone currently like myself LOL LOL. <To be fair, I do want to and intend to go beyond just perusing profiles on Zoosk ok?> Instead, it's merely another golf Sunday and today we are at Penmar for the first time in months. At least for the 3 of us <that would be Greg, Scott, and I> we haven't played here together in more than a year. So today counts as a treat actually considering that the play goes by faster and the fact that it is so close to me I could actually get there in less than 10 minutes. Which allowed me to lollygag at home when I woke up and make myself breakfast. I'll take Earl Grey hot tea and bacon/tomato/cream cheese on a toasted bagel from my own kitchen any day.  It was a beautiful day out already by the time I headed out and by the time it was close to the 9:20 tee time, it had actually gotten warm enough where I didn't need my vest. Just a gorgeous, wind-swept but not cold at all February morning at Penmar. I'll take that any day. Before we started playing, it was not lost on Scott and I that we used to do this tee time <9:30> all the time years ago and Lisa and I would still be running in late from the parking lot... and Scott and Greg knew I was not the reason <CHUCKLE>. Just another memory from my past married life that is best to move on from. And so on to the golf. I reminded myself this morning that what keeps me from doing well is that i'm in my own head too much and that I need to find a way to unhook from that and the past negative program. <I am not consistent><I can't hit a decent shot from the fairway> That was all I wanted to practice on today. Flash forward to lunchtime... I'm picking up my usual from Crimson. After all, it IS right down the street. We had gotten done by 11:10 in fact, far earlier than I thought. We had taken just 2 hours to play! And how did I play? A quick summary was that I played pretty well compared to the last couple of weeks. And I didn't whiff on too many shots. I'm still hitting trees but that is merely an adjust when I'm in front of those things, to learn to just dribble out. I didn't hit my tee shots as solidly as I like either. Except an iron on the short hole 3 that I landed pin level and right on the green. I got a par on that one, my only one for the day. But I did not have any blow-up holes. And even while not really hitting well off the tee, I got to the green in 3 and got a bogey 5 on Hole 1, Hit the tree off the tee but got to the edge of the green in 3 shots again on Hole 2, hit the tree again on 4 and whacked an errant OB shot to the other tee box... and that would be my worst hole actually. Got a bogey 4 on the narrow Hole 5. Got to the green in 2 on that one. Got a 6 on the long Hole 6 with a nice fairway shot that went 200 yards, Hit the tree again on Hole 7 but got a 6 again. Got a bogey 4 on Hole 8 and finally blasted a tee shot 220 yards down the fairway on the last hole. So I made enough good shots, and hit far less bad shots to feel satisfied about my play today. It's a good improvement and I'll take that any day. And so I went on home and enjoyed my usual lunch. Effectively, my day was over right there. On a normal Sunday I'd just take a nap and cruise the rest of the day to the end of the weekend. So what did I do the rest of the day? Nothing. A big fat nothing. I kept on watching Season 1 of the series FRINGE my latest binge series for this week. And just because of today, I did time travel to a couple of Valentine's Days of years past. There is no disputing that Lisa is the one big love of my life even if our relationship ended in divorce. And so most memorable Valentine's Days would obviously have her in it. Both good days AND bad actually. I do know that to effectively clear out negative emotions, I must override them with the good and so I chose to focus. And so I chose to focus on the old ritual I had of giving a rose to every one on her staff at her office and how many times I did that LOL. And remembering that I chose to do that because I love giving out flowers and Lisa hated receiving them for whatever reason. Note: I do know she was in a great mood on Friday because she received them from a patient that day she did an impromptu procedure on, on a day she wasn't even supposed to work. See? She does like getting them. Probably just not from me LOL LOL <smh??> Nah, I simply need to remember that in the here and now I am no longer responsible for making her happy not should I even try and that I should divert that energy... to myself. See those old thoughts about making her happy are the thoughts I need to purge. It's ok. I kept on time travelling farther and got to 2006. No digital records then, no electronic journal. I had to dig through my old paper notebook journals.  And simply reading through that time period in 2006 made me realize THAT was time period when Lisa and I had our first kiss at the LA Coliseum, and making out at whatever class room we can find at USC. We were still hiding then. Hiding being with one another. The excitement of new love. Now THAT was a Valentine's Day. It was a Valentine's MONTH to be honest. And remembering that time simply made me smile. Thank you for being with me for that ride Lisa. Thank you.