More Johnnie in the morning and finally ME time

When I looked back at the week I realize that I had watched Johnnie every single day this past week and will watch him again this morning. I also realize that THAT was due to Lisa's supposed condition. But I didn't care. As much time as he will let me spend with him is what I'll always take. This morning I talked her into still doing her piano class as the point is not to let herself give in to thinking she's sick and debilitated. I think that nothing could be further from the truth but that she has given in to some program, some narrative that there is something wrong with her. It runs completely contrary to all these things that I'm learning about the mind and the human body and how the former controls the latter and not the other way around. What we experiences in our bodies is a result, a consequence and can always be reversed. But it takes the mind to do that and something tells me that if I am going to help other people by the multitude, then it is an attitude like Lisa's that I need to learn from and work on. Maybe I can help her after all. But I have to work through my own programming first. After all, there is that history between us that is difficult to disregard. Case in point, I arrive at Lisa and she's making breakfast for all, egg whites for Johnnie, eggs for me. And she had made me Earl Grey tea also. I realize that there is a different program that is active now. She's trying to be a good "something". And I want to let her. Of course that also comes with listening to her continuing aches and pains and frustration. This morning I talked her into merely taking a walk down the block, just so she can start to feel some sense of normalcy. And she actual took my suggestion, took Johnnie and the dog and walked a bit. I think she felt better too. And in the meantime, while they did take that walk I went to the backyard and just sat with myself. Just sat there thinking about nothing but enjoying the warmth of the morning sun. It came to my mind that I used to enjoy doing this when I was still living here. Especially the fact that when I was, I had the backyard lush with green grass. But that's another thing I need to let go, just something I'm going to remember with pride.  And finally when they came back, Johnnie and I headed to my apartment too so Lisa could do her piano class. We made a couple of stops first of course, to Mitsuwa to pick up groceries and to Trader Joe's to pick up more groceries. And for lunch of course I had to go to Panda Express. This time though I also made a stop at Burger King. Sometimes, I just feel like having a burger. Impossible meatless burger in this case. And I threw in a couple of tacos too. Sometimes I feel like not cooking anything, not washing anything. The result was that I was so full I needed to take a nap again. But not before dropping Johnnie off at Lisa's. It was nearly 1 when we got there but Lisa was still in the middle of her lesson. I guess they had a late start. I almost fell asleep on Lisa's couch waiting for her to get done. When she did I took off, eager to finally get my ME time. She wanted to talk some more but really I was done talking about how she was physically feeling. And so how did I spend my ME time which was the rest of Saturday? First I went to get a much needed haircut. And like most of the time, they cut too little. Ok Ok, no complaints since I did go to Supercuts. Still did I have to spend time afterwards to cut some more hair off? Hey maybe I should just be grateful that I get to have a haircut cut by someone else at all. After all, I still prefer someone else do it rather than do it myself. And then of course I wanted to enjoy being outdoors since it had started to get warmer today. But not just outdoors. I ended up driving to Via Marina. I just wanted to be somewhere else and eat something else just to celebrate that I was able to once again. AFter all, there would be many a time when I would go to AMC Marina del Rey and watch a Saturday afternoon movie and bring home some dinner from one of the many choices from there. Maybe a slice of NY Pizza from Pizzarito? I wasn't ready to watch a movie at AMC. After all, I had watched all the new ones already at home. But I could shop for dinner at Pavilions. I remember fondly when Johnnie and I would eat chicken strips here coming home from daycare back in the day. We would come here so often, the folks at Panda Express knew him. Kind of like... now. Except that it's Panda Express Sawtelle, and Panda Express Westwood. And so it was that I brought home some Asian fried pork and some chow mein from Panda Express for dinner. And oh while I was already here, might as well get a slice of pizza from Pizzarito. THAT is how I spent Saturday night. Reminiscingly at Via Marina. Maybe I will live here someday. How about maybe in 5  or 6 years after Johnnie graduates from Mar Vista Elementary. Maybe I could go to the Barnes and Noble once again and read/ browse through books. That might make me sound alone. But tonight I needed it. I may have thought about Johnnie and the things we would do together. But it's also just fine to do that by myself. That is how I recharge. That's how I always have.