Johnnie Work

And so I am dutifully at Lisa's front door at 7:45 this morning, still half asleep because I once again binged on Fringe last night. Why do I do that?! Now I'm going to feel tired all day. AND as I anticipated I still had to give Johnnie a shower knowing full well he was already asleep in his clothes when I brought him home last night.  No matter, it still IS Saturday and it is still Elysee breakfast morning routine time and so I showered Johnnie quickly in my apartment and by 8:30 we're outside in Westwood enjoying croissant and eggs and my Earl Grey hot tea. Then came a quick trip to Target where I was picking up some of the groceries and also picked up a cool rock painting kit for Johnnie to paint the rocks at Lisa's house... all for $1! How cool is THAT! I figured I'd keep him occupied with his videos and somewhere along the way, sneak in a nap at some point. Even 10 minutes would help I thought. I was so looking forward to that as Johnnie and I picked up lunch from Panda Express... until I got a call. It was Balwan. He and Varsha were dropping off Sharon to work for a bit and then were off to Venice Beach. He was inviting me to come with them, but of course his timing was once again pretty bad. I let him know Johnnie was in the middle of lunch and that Lisa would be picking him up by 3 so I didn't really feel like dragging us to Venice Beach not even for just a little bit. Balwan did agree to come by just to say hi. I would find out quickly that he had other motivations actually. Balwan and I hadn't talked since the holidays when he was pretty much in the dog house because he was sort of going on his own it seemed in a different direction than Sharon and Varsha. Balwan still has his dreams about Yoga Talk and that is a good thing. But his most pressing need is financial at this point and I couldn't help but think back to the time I faced financial urgency in the early 90s. That was before Cedars-Sinai, and right after all the Tony Robbins stuff. And so I heard myself talking to Balwan in sort of a straightforward and aggressive way to somehow get his shit together financially.  To take care of his family. And Balwan seemed to be trying to. He came because he is starting a new venture, now helping friend(s) get employment and/or projects. I tried to stress to him that no matter what venture he is doing, he MUST be in a place where he could be self sustaining for a few months at a time. Kind of like what struggling actors do... get day jobs while their "ship" came in. I don't know why Balwan came today and made me aware of where he is financially or otherwise. If everything is ME PUSHED OUT, then there is a lesson or a message there somewhere and it probably doesn't have anything to do with Balwan. After all, he will do what he does and it seems as if Sharon has already made up her  mind to go back to Ireland in July. And that's because she has lost trust in Balwan's ability to provide for them. I am pulling for them but people have to do what they feel is best for them. And so I told Balwan to send me his resume, gave him some more advice about marketing people. That's another thing... he needs to learn his craft and get good at it.  Maybe that is the message I need to hear...for ME. About my other stuff I'm trying to get off the ground myself. I'm the exact reverse. I have the job and stable income but I need to work on replacing it. In the end I was glad they came by and by 3:30 PM here came Lisa to pick up Johnnie.  Seems like I've been with Johnnie for the last 5 days straight and I definitely can't complain about that.  I finally did get to knock off for about 30 minutes after they left and when I woke up it was already close to 5 PM. I was so lazy all I did was go to El Pollo Loco to get dinner.  And finally finished the last series ending episodes of Fringe. Yes I did binge some more but this time, the final episodes had a message that resonated with me. And it was centered around a boy who couldn't communicate in the traditional ways but was destined to change the fate of the world. And it was all about what a FATHER is supposed to be for their son, their children. The scene with Walter and Peter with the former trying to find a way to say goodbye, and then with Donald about what being a father means, how it that not hit home with me. I got real gushy with both scenes. And then I went back to today and yesterday. Yes, I may have been hijacked by Lisa yet again. But how can I not treasure all the time I got to spend with Johnnie. He and I watching TV on the couch with a blanket over both of us, he clutching my hand and snuggled next to me. How can that not be perfect in that moment? That, at the end of it all, was the play of the week! Just look at the last picture I posted. Me and my boy.  I did manage to remember tomorrow there's golf and I'm not going to play with just 4 hours of sleep. I still binged watched a bit. But I got to sleep by midnight. Good enough for tomorrow...