More Ego Distractions

I can't believe it's the last day in April already. I have the day off today actually and I planned on taking a mental sanity day. Of course Lisa calling on the phone first thing because she accidentally deleted Johnnie's day pass this morning isn't my idea of mental sanity and rest and relaxation time.  Still I helped her out, sent her another copy and then went back to a quiet Friday. Or so I thought. Why I decided to answer a chat from Eloisa when she asked about my further thoughts on another department realignment, most likely involving me taking over the EHR department, is beyond me. She asked to have a chat over lunch. And then I made the mistake of trying to be transparent about how I was having a conflict on Wednesday with picking up Johnnie at 11 AM and me needing to be at E3 for the Strategic Planning meeting.  I sounded like I was being inconvenienced I think. And so I got a sharp response back, getting a reminder of my responsibilities as a senior executive in the company. Really? I needed a reminder? It was all I could do not to clap back because I was in defense mode after that. As in "better be careful how hard you push"... Fortunately, i did realize that was in straight up react mode and I was not in a good state and I gave a bland answer back sounding like "there won't be a problem about Wednesday". I was sorry I even brought it up. But to be clear I was annoyed well after lunch. And I had to decompress about it with myself. And I had to pivot to finding a better solution for the Johnnie pickup than Lisa's options with one of Johnnie's classmates' nanny. That's when I looked up the BEYOND THE BELL program. I think that will work out. It's almost like the STAR program except that it is totally FREE! And that pushes out the Johnnie pickup to 3 PM! Hey I only have to worry about it for a month and a half anyway now that school will be out soon. Now to fill out the paperwork and convince Lisa...

So now the analysis: Everything is me pushed out.  Did I create that confrontation? Did I need to get nagged by myself? Was I nagging others trying to be right?  Is my ego trying to be right again? Did I display my frustration in the scheduling conflicts instead of simply changing my vibration to get the results I want? Oh yeah. I forgot to do that didn't I? Did I get lazy and not look at all my options <Why didn't I look at Beyond the Bell earlier>? Is it all of the Above? What polarized me and made me react and be angry? I knew I needed to take myself out of react mode. Oh this is happening LOL. I am polarized. I can choose to look at it from a positive note and move to the outcome that I want. Did I really want to miss the meeting at E3? Did I really want to focus on the reasons I couldn't make it? How am I reacting and what meaning am I giving to that which I am reacting to? I decided I will simply focus that everything will work out on Wednesday, that Johnnie will be picked up and that I will be able to go to the meeting at E3 and stay for however long I need to stay. In the meantime, it was another warm day out and I ended up having to work after all today. Not even counting the mental and emotional energy I used up with the "chat" with Eloisa. On my walk I also reflected that it was the last day in April today. Another month going by. Maybe the thing that happened this morning was also a reminder nudge from the Universe not to be too comfortable at my job and to focus on creating an alternative source of income so I DON'T HAVE TO WORK. Wouldn't that be great? I have plenty of money to lay low for a year at least if I had to, that's if I suddenly get let go but I shouldn't be focusing on that either. I would much rather prefer a gentler transition into the replacement income. Heck a financial windfall so I could retire right here and now with as much income if not greater would be very much welcome too. I would be FREE! So today's day off did not exactly provide me with an opportunity to recharge. But that's ok. I didn't need much recharging. Everything will be ok.