I Need To Chill

After yesterday's talk I think I earned a chill day today. But that would have to come later. First I needed to pick up Johnnie at Lisa's so she could do her Saturday piano lesson. Before going there I made sure I was emotionally and mentally prepared. I reminded myself that EVERYTHING IS ME PUSHED OUT, particularly those negative feelings that came up yesterday when Lisa was calling me while Johnnie was screaming in the background.  I needed to let go of the reaction and instead focus on feeling peace and harmony. I needed to let go of control and keep my ego from taking control.  It's not about who's right and who's wrong, it's about getting Johnnie to learn. I also didn't want to spend any time with Lisa considering she's not in a good space. Which is why I had breakfast at my house first thing. So I wouldn't have to at Lisa's. It was a good call. When I got to Lisa's she was in the backyard and apparently dealing with the gardeners, who were finally planting sod. Almost 3 years I've been gone and twice she's re-sodded. Unbelievable. It was clear that she had her hands full this morning. So much so I got my wish after all. I didn't have to have breakfast, I didn't have to talk to her at all.  In fact, just as soon as I had Johnnie dressed, she said goodbye to him and off we went. Eezy peezy. Of course I found out right off that Johnnie hadn't had breakfast yet. Why am I not amazed... And so we had to make a pit stop at McDonald's first thing to get Johnnie eggs and sausage before we did anything at all. When he did finish breakfast, we went on my grocery shopping run. First Whole Foods, then Ralphs, then Trader Joe's. Johnnie didn't mind because he ended up with Hershey's cookies-and-creme chocolate. At some point I asked Johnnie to tell me what happened with the dog yesterday and the water hose incident. I know he probably thought it was going to be funny. I also know that HE doesn't know when he physically hurts someone or something. So the learning need is not only in control, but also in empathy. That is to let him know how that hurt feels without physically hurting him. I don't want to do anything to alter his happy-go-lucky play-most-of-the-time nature. Just look at him in the pic when we went to Panda Express. This I don't want to change. So we got his lunch, and I got mine from El Pollo Loco, and I got him a churro for dessert. We're all still good. 

I had this idea that maybe I should use the trip to Universal Studios and Jurassic world as a carrot to get Johnnie to behave better. But when I told Lisa about it at the Johnnie drop-off at her house, she did not like the idea. It's a difference in style to be sure, and really that's all it is. Lisa likes to use the stick and punishment. I like to use a carrot based on that stuff on parenting from Yale. I guess we're just going to do it differently. We will see what's more effective. And so it was that when I dropped Johnnie off, that would be it in terms of seeing him for the rest of the weekend. And finally, I can have SAID alone time. I had a bunch of new movies lined up actually. But somehow I never got to any of them. Instead, I lounged around the couch until it was time to get dinner. And for dinner, I went to TUT's Mediterranean on Washington and Grand View. I felt like getting a kofta kabob is all. It had warmed up by mid-day and I enjoyed walking in the late afternoon to pad up my steps count for the day. For some reason I chose to watch old series tonight. First Travelers on Netflix. Then a re-run of a few episodes of Band of Brothers. Oh and I did watch the Dodgers game against the Nationals. Great to see fans in the stands at Dodger Stadium again. I never did get to my movies. I could tell I just wanted to zone out tonight. Not have to think about anything important. Not have to think about anything at all. I guess it's ok to do that right? Ok to just numb out. After all, looking back on the week I did have a big day Friday. Barbara even gave me some Spark Bucks as a token of gratitude. That and a $25 gift cert from DoorDash and I'm good to go! I really did get paid for speaking didn't I LOL LOL LOL. Anyway that day alone carried the emotional tone for the week. I'm not even going to think about next week, not tonight. Next week already promises to keep me on my toes, but not on the work front. Next week Johnnie goes back to school and that alone I think is sure to suck up my focus and attention all week long. I did think about the energies I was focused on. It was good to limit my interaction with Lisa, and be aware of my reactions. It's like I'm getting tested. You think you've developed patience now did you? We'll see... TEST TEST TEST.  In the end I had a pretty quiet Saturday evening, even though I didn't get to sleep early either. Golf tomorrow you know. I needed to be in bed and asleep before midnight. I lollygagged and blew myself past that. Sigh...